Letters to special needs parents 3 (a series)

Dear Special Needs Parents,
     
      You remember your childhood? All those special things that you did. Special memories that you wish your little one could experience too? When you look at your child for the first time and think back to all the things you did. You can imagine them doing those things too. That is what most parents think about. Most of us with special needs children get the diagnosis and those dreams are shattered. We know their reality is going to be different. We don't know how different but we know it won't be the same. You start to grieve for the child that could of been. Then you remember you love the child that you have so much more.
   They start to grow. Every age is different with different experiences. You really start to realize what their peers are doing. What your child is not doing. You grieve a little. It is lessened but none the less it is there. Then they start to notice they aren't doing the things that their peers are doing. The peers are talking about going to one anothers' houses. They are talking about sleepovers and parties. Things that your child isn't getting invited to. This is where I am at. I find this very difficult myself. I remember at my childrens' ages I was running around with no supervision. All over town. I lived in a small town in WY. I had a friend that was two doors down that I was always out. I had another friend that was just on the corner. We were always running around together. Playing in the summer until it was dark. My children will never experience that type of social interaction. As much as we worked at it. We live in a fairly quiet neighborhood. We do try and interact with the kids but we have to be there to make sure they stay safe. We can't let them go unsupervised anywhere. At their age that shouldn't be a problem. There is a real heartache and disappointment in this. It is okay to grieve in this time. It is okay to wish they could experience close friendships that just aren't going to happen. So what do we do in this time?
      Look at your child and see if a smile is on their face? Are they happy? Are they content? Mine are despite the lack of relationships in their lives. What counts is the quality of the relationships they do have. I really haven't met anybody who is happier than my oldest. She exudes joy. My youngest is sweet and endearing. Always appreciates any small token someone bestows upon her. I wouldn't change my children. I know they are who they are because of a specific purpose given to them by God. We as a society really don't fully appreciate what that means. We don't appreciate the special in special needs. We find that they are lacking instead of designed. We shun them because we don't want to see the imperfections of ourselves physically manifested in them. Christ had healed several special needs individuals during His ministry. They were designed for such a purpose. I know that the one relationship my children do have is with Christ. They will sit with Him at His table glorified just like any other. This glorious thought leaves me no more room for grieving. I hope that it can be a comfort to other parents knowing that Christ knows and seeks His special ones.
~Kandi

Letters to special needs parents 2 (a series)

Dear Special Needs Parents,
              I’m writing to those who are married today. This is a very important subject. We know as special needs parents the high rate of divorce among our ranks. We ask ourselves how can that be? It has to be the high amount of stress. Which is true, we deal with insurmountable amount  of it.  The burden of dwelling money associated with raising special needs child perhaps? This is also true, a special needs household spends 3x what a normal household spends. However, these are not the reasons. It simply is the fact that we think our marriage can continue as it has before. It cannot and will not. Whatever conceived notion you had about your marriage prior to special needs is out the window. You realize that and you will save your marriage.
               You must resolve to make your marriage a new. Little things of miscommunication, independence from your partner on this and that, they need to be gone. You can either be the lifesaver for your partner or the anchor that drowns them. It is important because your partner is the only other person who knows EXACTLY what you are going through. You can bond with other special needs parents for sure. Make no mistake their children are different from yours. Your partner is going through EXACTLY what you are going through. That is very powerful. You and your partner are different. You will handle things differently. However, it is very crucial that you are on the same page. You have to have the same attack plan. You have to communicate honestly. You have to compromise in a way you would never have done before.  In the end you and your partner are after the same goal. You want your child to have the best chance possible, right? This must be the mindset. You may think that your partner has a suggestion that is coo-coo but try it. As long as you agree to try the other route as well. If you’ve had separate things from your spouse in the past it is time to do away with that. In fact it was time to do way with that when you got married. You are now more than ever ONE FLESH. Taking an evening out separate from your partner is fine, but equal that out. Your partner needs a break too. Sure we would all like date nights but as a parent with special needs children that can be impossible. Your partner needs you more than ever. You are needed not only by your child but your spouse.
                  In closing I add this to those who follow Christ. These things are not foreign. God created in you a help mate. Nothing should be separate in your marriage. You should both cling to Christ for all things. Including this struggle that is set before you. Let your spouse be what God created them to be and do not depart from that. With that your marriage will be healthy. Your child(ren) will be glorified in Christ through the work you put in. God be with you and your family
Blessings~Kandi

Blessed Grace

    I am now rehabbing from my 9th knee surgery. I know it will be quite a significant time before I will need another. I have two new knees. I am very thankful this morning. It isn't because I have two new knees or I will not be struggling everyday with knee pain as I have in the past. I am so very thankful for the weakness I find myself in at the moment. My body is racked in pain as I write this. My weakness is on full display for my to look upon. I am in udder joy. My Lord is the most Merciful Gracious Lord on High.
    I am nothing right now. I know exactly where I need to be on my knees to His amazing Grace. He breaks my heart wide open. I no longer am a slave. It is His precious Name that has willed me. Oh praise be to God. I stand because of the Cross. I breathe because of His sacrifice. I have everlasting Grace because of His victory over sin. My mind wants to give into the problems that I surely face. Here I am so very thankful. I am so humbled by His amazing love He does give to me. This is my testimony. This is my life. Saved from my wretched weakness. Bought with the strength of Christ on the Cross.

Uncontrollable

   A few weeks ago Leah had another of her uncontrolled vomiting episodes. They come out of the blue with no warning signs. She is fine one moment and the next she is in a cycle of endless vomiting. The only way to fix this is to take her to the ER and get her fluids. Followed by anti-nausea hoping we can keep her hydrated as her hydration is rapidly depleting. Luckily this only happens about every 8 months or so. We have her on medication to prevent this. It use to be a lot more frequent.
   In the middle of the night it is a rush to the hospital. My daughter in the middle of this is completely fine. She is her usual energetic self. She can't slow down. She is hopping around and throwing up. Due to her other behavioral conditions it is nearly impossible to get her to lay down. This is continuing to deplete the energy that is being stolen from her body. We are entering very dangerous waters. She could go into low blood sugar. This has happened on numerous occasions.
    The doctors are confused upon seeing this bundle of energy. Why are we so concerned? She obviously is doing fine based on the amount of talking and bouncing. It doesn't take long to delve into her history to realize why we are there. We start getting things started. I know what comes at this point. I have to endure my daughter getting an IV. Which she is horrifically scared of. All while she is still vomiting. I usually have to use my whole body weight to hold her down. Along with another person holding her arm. While someone is putting in the IV. The first time they can't get the IV started. We have to start all over again. I really can't stand what she is being put through. However, she must endure to survive this episode. I must press on and so does Leah. We start the other IV and it is successful. She is getting fluids, anti-nausea medicine and starting to feel better. We are able to go home early in the morning around 4:30. We get home to hopefully sleep. An hour or so later it starts again. We have to wait to call her regular Dr at 8. The lack of sleep and anxiety caused me to forget to get a prescription at the ER. I asked the Dr for one. They referred me back to the ER. Wanting me to make sure she is still hydrated. I was not wanting her to get poked for another IV. However, no signs of dehydration was afoot so we were able to get anti-nausea and a prescription. She was finally stable. She usually follows with another episode about three weeks after. However, I made sure we were back on the preventative. She has not of yet had one.
    What do we do when our kiddos are in such a state of flux? This is such a cross to bare. We never know when they will be in the throws of death because of their medical condition. I wish as a mother I was less anxious. I wish that in the moment I could just have complete trust that God has her in His hands. It is so hard to be in a completely uncontrollable situation. You have to make split second decisions that you wish you had more time to weigh options. You don't. You have to do what it takes to save them. It gets easier when you know what worked before. However, the anxiety it doesn't go away. The fear in the moment still trumps everything. What should this teach us? Life is at the upmost precious. Life is fleeting. We can't take our time for granted. We also must not take the gift of our children for granted. Every opportunity in frustration is a moment to remember. We are not so privileged in this world. In our status as humans. We are privileged in the hands of God. Who holds us there. He holds us there through the Blood of Christ. That is the only privileged that has been granted in this world.

Mistakes and Meltdowns

   Leah wanted desperately to go to the Childrens' Museum a couple of weeks ago. It isn't the type of place that Sharon does well at. However, Leah loves and thrives there. It can be overwhelming with lots of things going on. It can over stimulate Sharon. While Leah is always seeking over stimulation. It is hard for us to find things for to do together. Leah is seeking a roller coaster and Sharon wants a merry go round kinda time. Usually I have to sacrifice for the others enjoyment. That day I decided to go to the Childrens' Museum. Hoping that Sharon would be okay.
   It was already late in the morning trying to get them in the car. Once we were in the car I couldn't just back out of going. Even though that was probably the best thing to do. I get there and explain we would play for a bit, then eat, play some more. Sharon started darting around like a stampeding buffalo calf. I had to keep us together. Leah was trying to look at one thing but I had to pull her from it to keep up. We get to the paint room. This is it. Sharon wants to paint for the rest of the afternoon without being interrupted. This works out for me. Leah and I can explore while Sharon is glued to the paint window. However, it is time to eat. I try and find a place outside the museum to eat but could not. I went back in and we sat down eating pizza. It was noisy and lots of things going on around us. Sharon finished well ahead of us. She was in no mood to just sit and wait. Leah wasn't eating at all. It was going to be a long time before we were able to play again. Sharon beginning to get very irritated wanted to go to the bathroom. She loves going to the bathroom to escape. She made her way out of there and tried to go explore. I explained that we need to wait for Leah. I knew then that a meltdown was coming. I needed to find a way to get us out, without her knowing. I tried to get her to the water display by the door so I can easily get her out. She knew what I was doing and dropped to the floor. We were in meltdown mode. I had to get my almost as big as me, very strong almost 10 year old out of here.
    At this point nothing else matters. All that matters is safety. People are around us listening to my very loud angry child that I am now behind dragging to the door. I have to fetch Leah who is half way to the door. She is not happy at all that we are leaving. We argue that we should in fact leave. I grab her while dragging Sharon. A woman is nice enough to help get our table cleaned up. Once outside I tried crossing the very busy street to get to our car. Sharon kept us from crossing. She eventually planted herself on the sidewalk. I knew at this point I was not going to get her safely across until she calmed down. I told her that I would wait for her. On a busy side walk in downtown Madison, WI, my child laid on the ground sucking her thumb for the next 20 minutes. I just sat down drinking my coffee and waited. Leah was still very upset that we could not play in the museum. I suggested that I could take her back when Sharon was at her clinic. Many people were shocked to see her laying there. I knew if I had a man to help escort us across the street I would be able to get her to budge. Sure enough an employee asked if everything was ok. I calmly said she is autistic(she already got that) I'm just waiting for her to calm down. She asked if she can help. I said if you have a male co-worker to help us across the street that would be great. Sharon is not a fan of men. The thought of a strange man touching her would get her up immediately. That is exactly what happened. Once across I relieved the gentleman of his duty. Sharon tried to avoid getting in the car. I said I would get him again. She went right to the car.
   Now I had to get two very angry children home. It was thirty minutes away. The other was ready to tear the car apart because she did not get to stay. I calmly explained that we need to leave. We need to go home. If we behaved better we could have stayed. That did not happen, that is why we are leaving. I make it home and send them to different floors of the house. I try very hard to calm myself down. It was a very hard day. One that could have been avoided. If I would of stayed home.
    We can't stay home all the time though. We can't always avoid a meltdown. What we can do is be prepared that it will happen. Be the best in that moment. Be the calmest you can be. Show the child that you are in control even if they are not. Forget your very public surrounding because it doesn't matter. They don't matter. What matters is the trust your child has in you to get them out of it. They trust that you will be in control in that moment when they have lost it. I'm very lucky in the fact that Sharon doesn't have very many huge meltdowns like this one in public it is mostly at home. It happens at times. We just have to move on. I am not afraid to take Sharon somewhere. I know that it could be something that sets her off. I am willing to deal with that. If it means she will be a step closer to dealing with it on her own.

Letters to special needs parents 1 (a series)

Dear Special Needs Parent,


    You wake up in the morning with a jolt. You get those boxing gloves on because it is a fight. Maybe the fight is at the breakfast table. It is at the bus or it is just getting dressed but eventually you will fight today.

You are not alone

You catalog the emails or calls that must be made today. There are deadlines and paperwork to be sent or your child doesn't get in or doesn't get this. You have appointments that are on the other side of town that you have to get to. Your child is having the worst day since yesterday. But you must get to the therapy, therapy, therapy.

You are not alone.

You realize around lunch time that you might have forgotten to eat breakfast. Your sugar level is low. The 6 cups of coffee that you downed has made you jittery. You have to get them to eat.  It was so hard to get that breakfast down them. Lunch might be even harder. You probably won't eat until they do. It might be awhile.

You are not alone


You finally got something to eat that actually has made you tired. That cannot do. You make some more coffee. The afternoon bares more than usual. You might get the child in a nap which means you have time to get appointments made and emails responded too. Also pickup the disaster that has been left in the wake. But the paperwork is first. It is never ending. You get something finished and a fresh pile ends up in an email or mail.

You are not alone.


You wait endlessly for approval on whether or not your child can sneeze. They can't play soccer or a game with out endless amount of paperwork and waiting lists. You check FB as your friends with ease just sign up their children for whatever they want. You have to look months in advance, get approval and funding for what is an extreme amount of money. Finally after 6 months or maybe more you can actually do that activity safely.

You are not alone


You have been pretty social most of your life. Found that you can get along with anybody. But you find yourself not wanting to be around people. They talk about things that just are not the same. You have no input that matters. All you know is different from them. They talk about TV which you haven't seen in sometime. They talk about shopping with ease. They have discomforts but they are no where near yours. And you find yourself drooling over their discomforts. Finding yourself wishing for their problems. You don't wish to insult them by saying that I wish for that. But as you are daydreaming it may slip out. You find yourself uncomfortable and avoiding the situation all together.

You are not alone


You at the end of the day are exhausted. You think boy that kid has to be exhausted as well. But the kid is jumping off the walls in no mood to sleep. You know what that means, it is going to be a rough night. You make more coffee. Hoping that you can keep them safe always. One day at a time is all you do. It has to be that way. Sometimes it might be by hour or the minute depending on the day.

You are not alone


Take heart parents. Your child is important. They make up something in this world that we cannot. We are the protectors of these special people. It is a blessing to be called upon this way. I want you to know that you are never alone. You might feel like your family is isolated and separate. However, the same feelings run through so many across the world. So many meet the same struggle. Please know that the same thoughts that run through your head are running through so many more. We are together in our fight to be protectors. God Bless you!

Love Actually

   I had to think about what to write about Mental Health. My child has a mental illness. She has other things she deals with. It is very hard to think about all the things that are in her head. She is very young. However, we already know the challenges she has ahead of her. We already know the feeling of brokenness that she feels when she can't control her own behavior. We haven't told her that she can't be forgiven or that she is unlovable but at age 7 she just already assumes it. It is this that a parent begins to break as well. No amount of comfort that is provided will turn her from this though process. She has yet to reach her teenage years and feels this way.
  It isn't everyday that you have a great challenge thrust upon you. It is in small moments that cause so many things to propel into a mountain that needs to be climbed. It needs to be conquered. Many times I have prayed about Leah. How can I help her? Love her. I hear in my head. I scream BUT I DO! Do I love her in the moments when she is tearing us to shreds with her words? no Do I love her when her fists are balled in hate ready to strike? no It is easy to love the lovable Leah the one who curls up in my lap and beeps my nose. God isn't asking me to love that Leah. He is asking to not withhold my love when she is unlovable in my eyes. In many ways, I am no more better situated then Leah, the way God sees it. Through His perfection I am an imperfect creature in need of saving. There is no difference. Leah needs the same Savior as me. How God will use her to better me, her or the world remains to be seen. Jesus loves us as unlovable as we are. We are the most imperfect people. When we are faced with such a insurmountable task, God is calling us to lean on Him.
   God teaches us many lessons. He truly loves me by providing Leah. I have a lot to learn about love. The only way to learn about love is to have a glimpse of Jesus' love for us. God sacrificed His son for a creation that was completely unlovable. I have a long way to go. Leah does as well. It is a journey that God has set upon us. If I am to be a disciple of Christ, the unlovable are the ones I need to reach for. The ones I need to say I love you even when you are so human.
    Am I shying away from those that need that love the most? perhaps. Am I denying those who need Christ? Even if they are too prideful to see Christ, should I not shine His example on them? yes These are all things I see in the raising of a Mentally ill child. It is easy to miss the biggest lessons that God has for us. However, in some He has born them in us. We are not burdened by it, oh no. This is a blessing. It is Love Actually.

The Thorn

I feel somethings are left in the care of God. Some things are just this world. I believe that God can teach through struggle. I have learned a great deal. I have a prospective on this subject therefore tend to talk about it. It is something that I believe has been placed on my heart. I am glad of my prospective. Otherwise I would be struggling everyday in the pain I am in.

~Blessings
Kandi

Lay at His feet

Quick note here, I see people apart from their disabilities. That isn't all they are. God can choose any one of us to spread His message. I believe that these special individuals have their own message that God has given them. Also I am staring at myself so I'm using "you" referring to myself as well. It is in my heart to get special needs in our Church. I feel it is vital to the body.

Blessings to you in His name
~Kandi

Existence does not require a website

   Leah is my youngest. She is a better reader and artist than anyone in her class. She can tell you about any animal you want to know. She has ADHD and Mood Disorder. I worry about her safety everyday. When you look at her you just see a normal girl. However, she struggles with being able control her impulsive moods and behavior. A lot of the time it looks like she is someone who gets everything that she wants. Unfortunately, a lot of the time she is anxious her behavior that she loses control over will cause her to lose her favorite things. Leah is not spoiled or over sugared. Leah has a medical diagnosed disorder.
   Leah has been to at least 5 evaluations for this particular problem. She has had countless tests. We have been in regular therapy for 3 years and now do behavior therapy. It took over a year to put Leah on medication. I wasn't going to do it. I decided that she was too young. She would be able to mature and be a little safer. I almost lost her making the wrong decision. I thought that medicine was more dangerous than her impulsive behavior. I learned from my mistake. I put her on medication. Her impulsive behavior was better. I did not have to worry on a daily basis whether or not she was going to run away and into the street.
  Leah also has trouble sleeping. I could count on my hands the nights my husband and I had the bed to ourselves. We put her in her own room and she will come in to ours between 12-3am. This was better than her being awake from then on so it works for us. She has nightmares and is very anxious about going to sleep. Generally my husband lies down with her until she falls asleep. After a fitful night of sleep if we are lucky Leah will sleep until around 5am. Now she has her own room where she can go and read.
   Leah is ready to go in the morning. She is hard to slow down. It might be difficult to get her to sit and eat breakfast. She starts to get upset about having to sit. She might be quite angry by the time she gets on the bus. This is after fighting to get clothes on, eat and brush hair. We take our medicine. If I can get through the morning without hitting we are successful. We are rarely successful. Leah will mostly hit herself, however will attempt to hit her sister. This is obviously stopped immediately.
  Most kids with ADHD benefit from a low sugar diet. However, with Leah she has hypoglycemia, or her liver doesn't process sugar as fast as she burns it. She also has sensory processing disorder. This affects what she will attempt to put in her mouth. She has a very limited amount of food that she will eat. Of course tried to get her to eat something undesirable. Leah does not give in and will not eat. When Leah does not eat she goes into what looks like a stomach flu. It is ketosis. Ketosis lands Leah in the hospital. We avoid the ketosis. We give as many healthy choices as possible in our limited selection. Leah has gone from a not thriving status to a very healthy weight.
   Although it is the recommendation to start Leah on a mood stabilizing medicine, I would rather work as hard as I can in behavior therapy before doing so. However, If at any time I thought her life was again in danger, she would be on medication. It is not until she is a teenager that she is at an extreme risk for things like suicide. You better believe that this mother is going to do everything I can to fight for her. I try things before medicine absolutely but if medicine is the answer I will use it. Mental illness is a serious issue. It is not something to just decide to quick lets check a website about it. Ok I got my answer. It is a struggle day in and day out.
   I implore that anybody that struggles with mental illness or has a child that does don't be afraid to do your all for them. Don't be afraid to get them the best help possible. Don't let anyone that has no clue about it dictate what you should do. I think you should do what is best. I think that if diet doesn't work that behavior therapy doesn't work the logical step is medicine. There is life saving medicine out there. It use to be that children like mine were put in an institution because we didn't have medical advancement. We do know. They can be productive adults. We have always dealt with children like mine. Even before we had processed foods and vaccines etc.
   There was a brief moment in history where we did not deal with illness and hardship. Adam ate of the apple. Even if we did all the things that were listed on a health website, we are fallen creatures. We are in need of a Savior not the latest supplement or a way to get rid of this or that naturally. We can't get rid of our sin. We can however, help those who need it while we are here. We can be kind to those who struggle with things like ADHD and other disorders that you can't see but  very much are there. We need to ask questions instead assuming that someone needs what you would think is much needed advice. ADHD and Autism is still being researched. We haven't even scratched the surface of something that had not been defined for centuries. I have read more books and articles than I can count and I know this to be true. This I do know is true: It exists and I live it. Telling me it doesn't is going to get you into heap of trouble every time. If a "Doctor" says it doesn't, I am sorry but that Doctor has immediately been discredited. 
   

Graced with a disability

 The worldly view on Autism is that it should be feared. We should do whatever we can to prevent it. Find and destroy the cause. The proper Christian view should be that Autism although a struggle was meant to be. God allowed it in individuals. Why? Well every time we ask that question it is the same answer. It is in His plan. It is meant for the Glory of God. How can such a thing be a good thing? We need a different prospective. It takes a lot to feel that a burden is actually a blessing. It takes some time to understand that God has a plan to make things better through struggles, tragedy and death. These things in of themselves are not good things. However, how God working through them can be good.
  I understand this is a tough pill to swallow. It was for me. Here I am with two special needs kids and every autoimmune disorder that I could get in my gene pool. I feel blessed in my struggles. I feel touched by God. I wake up knowing that I am closer to Him. I wake up in a lot of pain most days. Then I have to wake up my two kids that generally aren't easily woken up. However, I am happy. I have a purpose that was given to me. This happened the day my child was diagnosed with autism. I was just going along doing just enough. Then just enough wasn't good enough. I was forced into action because of this struggle place on my child and our family. Who I was is not who I am now.
   Every time we take a step toward God we become less of what we were and more of what we should be. When I complain about the struggles, worry and fear them I am stepping away from God. It becomes more of a burden. This is not useful. When I try and find something to blame other than sin itself that is not useful. Accepting the struggle for what it is and that in life you will have it. Than finding the good in it will always be a blessing. I can look at whatever my child age is now and still grieve a little at the things she can't do that a typical person her age can. However, I am overwhelmed by the climb that she has made in this life. My grief is short lived and turns into joy. We have as a family worked hard. We have gained so much for being a family that struggles. We don't even think about things that a typical family thinks about. It takes my husband and I quite a long time to come up with something we disagree with. We rarely fight each other. We communicate a hundred times better since we had special needs children. We have a need for each other that other married couples don't have as well. It makes us closer.
   It is almost the end of Autism awareness month and I can't help but be aware of the impact that it has on my life. My child certainly struggles with day to day things. I would bet that you wouldn't someone else that had as much joy. That got excited at life the way she does. The simple little things that she gets to do. She loves to cuddle, animals, sing and twirl. She is easily made happy and rarely upset. It is not something I fear because I live it. It is not something I want to get rid of because it is part of someone I hold dear. I don't need to find the cause because she is created in the image of God. If I am a Christian this is the only answer I need,
               John9:1-3 'As He passed by, He saw a blind man from birth. And His disciples asked Him, "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he would be born blind?"
            Jesus answered, "It was neither that this man sinned, not his parents; but it was so that the works of God might be displayed in him"'

Speaking loudly

This is a short video about Autism Speaks. Why some people have a problem with it. I think that without Autism Speaks we would probably be at least 10 years behind in progress. A little tid bit about Autism Speaks is that people think they are the ones to come up with the puzzle piece. It was actually thought up by a British mother in the late 60s representing her son's love for puzzles. She started a Society in Britain. Also after parting with Autism Speaks, Alison Singer, founded the Autism Science Foundation. They do research in Biomedical and genetics.

April: Our Month

I am practicing my speaking skills. I feel that I should make use of them in the future. 

Also, give some of you a break from my inept grammar.

The First to be Aware

      The first labeled case of Autism was Donald Triplett. He was born in 1933 to Mary and Beamon. His first two years were normal. He developed normally. He sat up, crawled, walked and spoke all in the right amount of time. It was around 2 that things started to shift for Donald. We in the Autism community call this a regressive form of autism. Mary, his mother constantly having to keep an eye on Donald, took him to the doctor. At this time the only thing that could be done for Donald was an institution. Mary and Beamon reluctantly agreed to put Donald in an institution. However, they kept on researching to find a way to help Donald.
      Just a year after Donald was put in an institution, he was removed. Mary and Beamon brought him to see one Dr. Kanner. Dr. Kanner is the doctor that gave Autism its definition. Beamon, a man that was rather particular himself, wrote Kanner a 33 page letter about Donald.  Kanner immediately wanted to see Donald. This gave the Tripletts' hope. However, Dr. Kanner not seeing any such cases like Donald took quite some time to diagnose. Kanner first met Donald in 1938 and wrote his mother in 1942 with 8 cases that were similar. Donald was labeled case number 1. Although, Kanner himself will tell you that Autism didn't start with Donald. As we know today there is written cases back to 1450A.D..
     Mary was a constant in Donald's life. Donald had to have things a certain way otherwise he would go into a rage. Mary was the maintainer of these things. When Mary knew that she would need help she was able to get respite. A couple that had a farm helped the Tripletts by keeping Donald. He would help on the farm. The Tripletts got a break. Donald really enjoyed the farm. Ernest and Josephine Lewis were childless. They enjoyed having Donald and he was helpful. It easy for Donald on the farm. A schedule needed to be followed and a rigid routine. They took into account some of Donald quirks and made it work on the farm. It was on the farm that Donald made most of his gains. He would be considered moderate after his time there. Donald developed Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis. He spend quite a bit of time in the hospital. After that he went to his home to live full time. He would not return to the Lewis farm. They did remain good friends.
    Donald would go to High School after he spent so many years not going to school. He was relatively successful there. He had people that watched out for him. People that did not tolerate any teasing of Donald. People were amazed by Donald's math skills. He once counted the bricks in a brick wall in a matter of moments. The others took a lot longer to figure out that he was right. He could calculate large numbers in his head in seconds. He had every license plate in town memorized. If Donald liked you, you were given a number. He would walk right up and say "You are now 1094". He would call you by your number not your name. This was Donald's way of having a relationship with someone. There was speculation as to what your number represented. It was dependent on a memory he placed on you and a number was placed. People enjoyed getting numbered, it made them feel special. In a small community Donald, very odd, was loved.
   Donald was able to attend college. He was able to get better socially. He worked at a slower pace than his classmates. He graduated and went to a four year school. He was in a frat house. He was accepted there as well. The Tripletts owned the bank in town, which secured him a job. He always had a job in the bank. He was not a sufficient employee but an employee he remained. After his parents deaths he continued to work at the bank. Until he decided it was time to stop working, It was fortunate for Donald that his family was wealthy. He was considered due to his wealth, eccentric.
    Donald was a happy man. It was mostly due to the fact that he was loved. His parents taught the community that he was valuable, worthy of respect. The Tripletts did not accept any indignation of Donald. They expected that Donald would be treated just like any other member of their family. However, Donald was later in life a beloved member of the community. He was a member of the Triplett family. Ultimately, in Forest, MS he was part of the towns family. Donald was the first labeled autistic case. He was the first success story as well.

*For more information about Donald as well as other early Autistic cases I recommend "In A Different Key: The Story of Autism" By: John Donvan and Caren Zucker.
    

Death: the vital teacher.

  God has a plan in everything. Death is certainly part of His design. We think how cruel death is and how it makes us feel. We don't want to associate it with a loving God. We are children of God. As such we are loved as a parent loves His child. One does not leave a child undisciplined to grow up unwise.  He allows us to struggle in things. He allows us to find our own way at times. He allows us to know what it means to be separated.
  Death is a separation. We feel it immensely. Where ever there is death, sorrow is there. Sorrow is meant to be there. It is something God needs you to feels. He needs you to understand that separation is not good. It is something He never wants. We are to strive to be near to Him. He is consistently calling in the suffering. As humans we tend think we can control things. We tend to think to avoid separation.
  We talk about adding years on our life. How we can have the best diet to live longer. We don't worry so much because we eat healthy. We go to the Dr. . We get our exercise. All those things are wonderful things to do. We should do them. We should also have the utmost understanding that it doesn't negate God's plan for you. One would wish for a long life. However, it might not be the plan for you. One wishes for a pain free life, however that might not be the plan for you. Why? We are His vessels. Through us the greatest work can be done. If I am meant to suffer and it testifies. His name so be it. If it glorifies His name let thy will be done. So we must also say the same of death. A separation might lead to a connection or a nearing of God. Therefore, let thy will be done.
   Again, a parent losing a child much, much too soon is the ultimate in pain. We never want think about as a parent. Parents that have gone through it never get over it. They are left to desperately asking why. It might be a whole life time to realize the work in it. We often wonder why the best has left us. We seem to lose the best family members. It is my thought in this that God completes His work in you, He brings you home. He might be working on others around you. He might be working on you. He is patiently knitting always.
   We know that separation is not good, so wrong. We should strive everyday to continue drawing nearer in our relationship with Christ. We should continue to build relationships with our loved ones so that they can draw nearer. Separation can be temporary or it can be permanent. That is why death is a vital teacher.
  

Thank You

Thank You,
          
             For having a son that became my husband. For loving him as a son. Also respecting him as a man. For admiring him as a father. For knowing that he was strong enough to go through the tough times. For seeing him for the wonderful person that he is.
    




             For being the best Grandmother that we could of hoped for. You always were proud of my girls even in the worst of times. You saw them for who they were and the best of themselves. You were patient, kind and understanding. You were everything that we wish they could encounter in this world, complete unbiased understanding. For saving Leah when I couldn't. For waiting patiently while Sharon came out of her shell, every time you came.


             For always being there when we asked. We would call you up and you would come. We didn't have to worry when something happened. You would be there. We knew that things would be taken care of when you were here. Things were hectic and you kept going with the flow. You never wavered in getting a tasked done.
 

           For putting up with me when I was at my worst. You were patient when I was in pain. You were patient when I was stubborn. You were patient when I wanted to be in control and couldn't. You understood. You were quiet and reserved while I was vocal. Yet you found a way to get along with me and work together in so many ways. You compromised when there was none in me. You did all that I asked of you and never complained. You were truly inspiring to me.

             For showing the rest of us how to be faithful in Christ.You wondered at His creation like no other. You knew God's plan for your life. You accepted that He would bring you home sooner than we had hoped. You made every day count.  You drew near to Christ ever trusting His plan. You graciously walked in faith towards home. You inspired every single person who knew you.

Thank You, Betty

If you were a good.....

   Christian you would blah blah blah. That is an ironic statement isn't it. If I even resembled goodness I would not be a Christian. I would not need Jesus. We fall for this trap don't we from the world. We scrambled to try and be the "good" Christian. What does that even mean? Instead of being pleasing to the Lord we are blatantly trying to please the world or making excuses for our lack of goodness. Ultimately we end up agreeing that we have failed as a Christian. I am here to say stop that please.
   The Gospel says we are not good. We need to come and repent. We need a Savior. When somebody says that you are not a good Christian, the answer should be you are right. I am not a good Christian. I need Christ and He is faithful all the time. The second thing we do is try and do everything we can at once. The Spirit feels us with desire to serve. We do so abundantly. Nobody serves more than the Christian Church. The Bible teaches us that we are gifted in certain areas though. We are to follow the gifts that the Spirit has bestowed upon us. Some of us are gifted for the foreign mission field. Some of us for the ministry. Some to work with the homeless and the hungry. Some others are gifted for evangelizing. Some of us in Adoption. Some with the disabled. When we try and do everything at once that is when nothing gets done. As a Christian I realized the gifts I had and didn't. We all must do that. We all must chose how we serve. Just remember Who you are serving.
   Another thing the world likes to do is tell you how Jesus would do it. They don't have a personal relationship with Jesus. It is like someone you never met who don't know your mom tell you what your mom is gonna do. You need to treat it the same way. They don't know Christ. When it contradicts the Bible completely. Jesus never turned people away. Yes, yes He did. God would never have us build a wall. He actually had people take down walls and build up walls. He took down nations and protected His people at any cost. That is God. That is Christ. I lay my life down for MY sheep.
  We need to be reminded that God is in control. God protects His people. He will not forsake them. He will not leave them. We have to think of these things with recent events. We have to remember these things with past events. God has a plan. The world will blame the Christian for their discomfort in it. Hold fast, Christ is with us here and when we come home.