What I don't do

    I often get told "How do you do it". I have had time to ponder this recently. The short answer is I don't. I originally get up in the morning ready to do it all by myself. I really do. I think to myself, nope got this. I have touched on several parts of what I'm going to tell you already. I go to bed in pain, I wake up in pain. That is my reality. I know for a fact that it will not change. I can do things to make myself more comfortable but that is my life. I am at peace with it. I know that in Christ that I will not have pain eternally. Some things you get use to. It really is a mentality issue. The question is do I ever get angry or frustrated with my situation? The answer is you betcha.
     I am a human. I have emotions that interfere with my daily life. I feel that anger and frustration are useless. Do I still feel them and demonstrate them? Absolutely. Here is the thing I have severe knee pain right now. It is bad. Bad enough to cause me to get a mouth guard. You see I grind my teeth when I am in a lot of pain. I bruised my jaw the other day grinding. It is better with a guard. Another thing is that I go to the gym. You're asking the question why are you going to the gym with bad knees right? Simple I have RA, the best thing I can do for my body is keep moving. Do something, sitting in a chair hurts. I get on that elliptical and I'm angry. I'm ticked off at this body that I have to deal with. Unfortunately anger only takes you so far. Pain is magnified when you are angry. It can be motivation at times but only if you are not in pain. After I realize I am not going to be able to keep this up, a thought pops in my head. I am not alone. I do not live by bread alone. I live by the blood of Christ who has saved me. As I am thinking of that, I truly am able to forget the pain and keep moving. Is the pain still there? Of course, but my mind has been diverted to better things. I go through this progression a lot.
    I am a stubborn person. I also consider myself pretty intelligent. It is not easy to say I can't do it alone. It really isn't. I am a prideful person. It is by God's Grace that I can say I need. It is important to be able to say those words. It can open so many things up to you if you can admit that without someone else you would be lost. I need His Grace to get me through. If you look at my life it is not an easy road. I have several medical problems and my children have special needs. Sometimes I look back at it as a blur. I ask myself how did that get accomplished. I dare not take credit for the things that seem to go right. I know that it was not I. I know the short answer to "How do you do it?" is "I don't but He is faithful to work in me"

Out of choices

 Sometimes you have choices when it comes to your medical care. Sometimes you can do natural things to help. Anybody knows that is probably the best way to handle it. Other times you need to use medication. I have to use both. I have supplements that I take that do help. However, medication is necessary for many of the problems that I do have. The other thing I have to deal with is surgery. I have had several knee surgeries. I have always been given choices by the doctor. I could either get shots 4 times a year that is the max. I could have a surgery that will give me a couple of years before I am back. The last couple of times I have come in they offered  a full replacement or even a particle. Particle was off the table this time. I was recently diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis. It effects the effectiveness of a particle. A lot of RA patients do not fair well with particles. The doctor will not offer it to an RA patient.
  So I have the shots, temporary surgery or full replacement. Plenty of things to choose from had I didn't have RA. RA is an immune disorder where inflammation in your body attacks the joints. Inflammation puts pressure on joints and hurts anyway. With RA it actually is hurting you. It is painful. The only way to prevent damage to your joints is to prevent inflammation. The shots, temporary surgery I will still have ongoing inflammation. They are no longer an option. I am young to have a joint replacement but it is my only option. I wanted to wait but it isn't something that I would be waiting long for. I would still have to have my knee replaced twice. At this point there is no reason to wait. I will have my knee replaced soon.
   When you are in my position medically it is not easy.  I would love to not have to take pills. I would love to not be in pain every day. It is not the reality for me. If it is a reality for someone else I am happy for them. I am at peace with the fact that I have to deal with these issues. I have over the years been smarter at what I eat. I have been smarter at not pushing my body. I have gotten to a better weight for my body. I stay in shape. Living well does not take away the reality of my situation. Makes it better, of course, it is not going to take away my problems. If I had the mindset that it did I would be pretty frustrated. I remember expecting it to go away in my youth. It was frustrating and made me angry. It no longer has value for me to feel that way.
    Do I ever wake up in the morning depressed? Yes I do. I wake up in pain every morning. Sometimes it gets really bad when I have a migraine on top of it. The thing is I do not have time to stay in that position for long. I do not have time to get bogged down with what is wrong with me. I have two kids that need a lot of help too. It is not a luxury I can afford. What I do is start thinking of things that are promised. I dive into scripture and get my mind straight. It is a struggle to consistently climb a mountain. It is something that He has equipped me to do. If you have a struggle He will equip you. It is up to you to keep your footing.