My 2016 started out with frustration. I was recovering from my knee replacement that was brutal. I didn't progress the way I had hoped. I was going to rehab with folks just zipping through the process. Here I was struggling to bend my leg. I was worried that I wouldn't be able to do the things I had wanted too. It was a slow, painful process that I will have to go through again.
We started in 2016 working towards getting a house with Habitat for Humanity. We got on the fast track to get one by June. It was a little difficult to work out. I could not work on construction site which was usually required. They had me work in the the office. It was fun to work there. I did little things in the office. Habitat requires 375 hours of sweat equity to purchase a house. I was more than willing to do this of course. It became quite difficult trying to get Sharon watched towards the end but we managed to work it out. Greg worked construction and loved it. It was hard on Sharon too. I was worried that I would not be able to make enough hours. Then they offered me a speaking engagement. I was fine with that I like talking especially about myself. They realized that I liked to talk so they kept on giving me these talking engagements. In no time we had the hours we needed for our house. I enjoyed earning sweat equity this way. I continue to work with Habitat on their speaking tours as a volunteer now. It was amazing to be able to purchase a home that we would not of been able to afford save for Habitat. We spend half of 2016 in our new home. We are very much blessed by the process that it took for us to get the home as well.
As my immediate family was being blessed it was still a hard year for those close to us. My dear friend suffered from the discovery of a brain cyst. She required an operation in March. Which became our March Madness. Although I am use to hospitals, surgeries and pain I am the one in it. It was very difficult to watch my friend deal with having surgery and the long recovery. It was not a good year but she is still with us so I am thankful.
Sickness seemed to loom with those who were close to us as family members went in and out of hospitals. Even as we were blessed this year it was hard to be too happy. We also had Leah that seemingly could not gain control of her stomach and then finally: a diagnosis. She was suffering from stomach migraines. I had stomach migraines in high school. These were mostly brought on by anxiety. She was put on medication and within a month she was significantly better. Her behavior was as well. She has had a tremendous year in school.
Sharon had a time of it too. We were constantly running around with doctor appointments for Leah. Therapy appointments for me and for her. She never had a routine schedule down. It was wearing on her. When we moved it became clear that she needed deep structure. Something I could not provide for her. I made an extremely hard decision for me. I put her in school. I wasn't happy about it. The school certainly was. However, Sharon and I were both exhausted emotionally. It was something that had to be done. She took to it right away. Of course it took a less than a second for her staff to fall in love with her. She had a little bit of trouble with the bus. We got over that hump and rides it without a problem.
I always try and do one thing in the New Year. I hope to be better than I was the year before. I feel I have accomplished my goal this year. I feel I have room to grow a lot next year. I want to spend some time learning and hopefully encouraging those who need it. I have started reading through the history of Autism. Which I have a little bit of knowledge but I want to know more. Several other books that I want to read as well. I hope to have more information.
With every year one thing is guaranteed: suffering. At one point in time there will be deep sadness and suffering. We usually drop the ball and thing only happy thoughts about the New Year. We are completely shocked to learn when suffering comes along. We think no that was last year, totally done with that. Suffering is not something that goes away from year to year. It will come. It will shock. It will be painful. In Christ we are promised suffering is only temporary. It will only last for so long. We will be here shortly. We then soon will be comforted by the eternal promise of a home that is shockingly wonderful. Not for the things it it but for the presence of Christ. I can only imagine. I pray that we all take this as comfort. In suffering we know it as temporary and in happy times that we do not for forget the awesomeness of Christ. Bless you and your family in the New Year!
Kandi, Greg and Girls
Saturday, December 31, 2016
Friday, December 9, 2016
Shackled
This will be a follow up to my previous post "unshackled". If you haven't read that it would probably best to read first. After we Unshackle ourselves, we see the blatant prison around us. We see the key and the key master gets us out. Great! What do we do? Of course, look for ways to lock ourselves up again. We are in a consistent blinding circle of imprisonment. As a person who has a relationship with Christ we feel we need to do our part. We get up in the morning and think, I am going to be such a good person today. Shackled.
We have set ourselves up for failure. Failure is a learning experience. It can teach us so many things. Consistent failure can lead to discouragement. We treat our relationship with Christ as if it is a worldly one. As if He gives 50 and you give 50. It takes two to make it work. However, Christ expects and wants to do it all. He wants to be the good that you can't be. He wants for you above all to realize this. In this world we will never fully understand this. We will always think that in someway, we are super productive at being good. It is our own version of good that we are good at. We even look at other people and say they are not my version of good. They sin more than me. Shackled.
It is very hard for us to look at somebody and not sit in judgement. We look at their life with distastefulness. We don't see our own sin in that moment only those of the other person. We would all go to the Judgement unqualified to enter in the presence of God. We can judge a person by their sin. However, if God does not see Christ we all are unqualified. We should remember that we are made in the image of God. As God has meant for us to have a certain relationship with Christ, it was meant to be personal. It was meant to be singular. When Christ died, it was individual relationships that he was saving. We must commit to that individuality. When we judge it should be unto our own heart and not that of another.
Just as a son or a daughter has an individual relationship with their parents so does the Church with Christ. We convene as a family. We worship and hold praise together. Just as a son or daughter that is separated from a family alone they become lost. It is important to realize we not only have a relationship with Christ but those who have a relationship with him. They are as family. It should be a priority to uphold and grow this family. This is of course is His work in us that it happens. We must not shackle ourselves to the idea that we do it.
We hold on to chains with an iron hand grasp. We want control. We need to be the master. Meanwhile, this world will rip us to shreds. My advice to anybody is let go. I learned when dealing with a migraine that was long past time to be gone, I had no control. I still don't. My body does what it wants. Sometimes I wake up it is just a little pain. Sometimes I wake up and wished I hadn't woken up. All with a prayer: Lord, bring me through this day. He has not failed me. I relinquish the control to Him. I stop thinking about the pain. I start thinking about the tasks that lay ahead. When I don't do this I am thinking about how painful tasks will be and it gets harder to do them. When I try and control it is 100% failure. I just stopped doing it. I stopped worrying too. I try and do what I can do. If it isn't done I don't worry about it. I don't worry of another person's ill opinion of me. I don't get offended either. If one honestly accesses me as being prideful and argumentative, I would agree. I am. No reason to get offended. I am easily frustrated too. It is easy to point out others faults but I should just as easily come up with a list for myself. If I can't I am shackled to the belief that it is another persons problem. If I am having a problem in a relationship the blame should fall on me. How else would I fix it? This brings me right back to letting go. Let go of control in your life. It will do you good. The chains that bind only serve you here. Eternity waits unchained by time that has shackled us in this world.
We have set ourselves up for failure. Failure is a learning experience. It can teach us so many things. Consistent failure can lead to discouragement. We treat our relationship with Christ as if it is a worldly one. As if He gives 50 and you give 50. It takes two to make it work. However, Christ expects and wants to do it all. He wants to be the good that you can't be. He wants for you above all to realize this. In this world we will never fully understand this. We will always think that in someway, we are super productive at being good. It is our own version of good that we are good at. We even look at other people and say they are not my version of good. They sin more than me. Shackled.
It is very hard for us to look at somebody and not sit in judgement. We look at their life with distastefulness. We don't see our own sin in that moment only those of the other person. We would all go to the Judgement unqualified to enter in the presence of God. We can judge a person by their sin. However, if God does not see Christ we all are unqualified. We should remember that we are made in the image of God. As God has meant for us to have a certain relationship with Christ, it was meant to be personal. It was meant to be singular. When Christ died, it was individual relationships that he was saving. We must commit to that individuality. When we judge it should be unto our own heart and not that of another.
Just as a son or a daughter has an individual relationship with their parents so does the Church with Christ. We convene as a family. We worship and hold praise together. Just as a son or daughter that is separated from a family alone they become lost. It is important to realize we not only have a relationship with Christ but those who have a relationship with him. They are as family. It should be a priority to uphold and grow this family. This is of course is His work in us that it happens. We must not shackle ourselves to the idea that we do it.
We hold on to chains with an iron hand grasp. We want control. We need to be the master. Meanwhile, this world will rip us to shreds. My advice to anybody is let go. I learned when dealing with a migraine that was long past time to be gone, I had no control. I still don't. My body does what it wants. Sometimes I wake up it is just a little pain. Sometimes I wake up and wished I hadn't woken up. All with a prayer: Lord, bring me through this day. He has not failed me. I relinquish the control to Him. I stop thinking about the pain. I start thinking about the tasks that lay ahead. When I don't do this I am thinking about how painful tasks will be and it gets harder to do them. When I try and control it is 100% failure. I just stopped doing it. I stopped worrying too. I try and do what I can do. If it isn't done I don't worry about it. I don't worry of another person's ill opinion of me. I don't get offended either. If one honestly accesses me as being prideful and argumentative, I would agree. I am. No reason to get offended. I am easily frustrated too. It is easy to point out others faults but I should just as easily come up with a list for myself. If I can't I am shackled to the belief that it is another persons problem. If I am having a problem in a relationship the blame should fall on me. How else would I fix it? This brings me right back to letting go. Let go of control in your life. It will do you good. The chains that bind only serve you here. Eternity waits unchained by time that has shackled us in this world.
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