My children have social dysfunction. It is not unusual in our household to push for more social time even when it is certainly not wanted. For example Sharon has always had trouble with adult males. She has a little trouble with peer males. She will run from adult males. The last thing I am going to do is brush the room for men. I try to have her interact with men. She still very much have problems. It is getting better. We even have a male therapist who works with her. It is something in our household that has to be done.
Leah has trouble being over friendly. She has an issue taking things. She is over impulsive. She does not have control or access to her emotions. She can be overwhelming. Although she has better communication skills and able to play better than Sharon, she cannot maintain. Sharon has an ability to maintain a long standing relationship with another human. These are things we have to work at in our house. Socializing isn't just a natural thing. It has to be practiced and pushed. It is very much like a class study. While it is very difficult for Sharon to talk to somebody it must be done. It is very difficult for Leah to sit and play it must be done. Independence depends on good social function.
This brings me to other families. It must be a very difficult thing to have a child that does function rather well socially. Not knowing if there is something to work on. However, they do start to prefer to play with certain people. It is good to have deeper relationships. It is good to be able to say I really like this person. As adults we prefer others as well. We go home from work and might call our friends. Most of us have married our preferred person. When we just allow them to just have their preferred people around them we are not helping them grow.
If we just have people over that are preferred and ones that are not it is not reality. When they become young adults going out into the workforce they will have to work with non-preferred people. I guarantee that is going to be very difficult for them. They are not going to be able to say well I don't want them around. The world doesn't work that way. I have seen this as a manager trying to deal with scuffles in the workplace. "I just don't like so and so" and "Can't I just not be scheduled with him/her". That answer is no you just can't. It isn't that these employees who were young did not function well socially. It was that they did not have opportunities to deal with non-preferred peers when they were younger.
We work really hard with someone that seems to have a problem socially. When we find a child that is functioning, we ignore that department and move on. This is something that is going to have to be addressed. I hope for the child's sake it is prior to getting that first job. A lot of transition happens with a job not being able to function in that social situation shouldn't be one of them.
There are more and more children being diagnosed with Autism, ADHD and other social dysfunctional situations. These children will become adults and be in the workforce. They will be the non-preferred adults. That is just a fact. It takes patience, understanding and love to have a relationship with someone like that. More importantly it takes practice. It takes familiarity.
It is hard to be uncomfortable. When you are dealing with someone with social dysfunction it is uncomfortable. It takes love to be uncomfortable enough to get comfortable. It is easier when children are younger and able to adapt to get use to it. When we get older it starts to get harder to get out of our comfort zone. If you have a normal functioning child, help them socially. Get them involved with their non-preferred peers now. If are trying to train them up to be high functioning adult this is a crucial part of their development as well. Maybe it is not something that isn't thought of often. As a special needs parent I think of it on a daily basis.
