My Responsibility part 2

   I had posted previously about a scary situation with Leah. About having to make a hard decision. I also feel that it is also my responsibility to help you understand not only the struggles but also the joy. The struggles are there but our lives are joyous. If you met Leah you have met the definition of joyous.
  Leah is unique. Of course I'm her mother making me slightly bias. However, I have never met somebody so happy. Somebody that got so excited about life. It spills out of her splashing on whoever she is with. I don't wish for a different child. I have the best children. I would not change them at all. Part of what makes them who they are is there conditions. Anything we deal with in life molds us.
   Sharon also is somebody who is excited about life. Sharon a lot of people do not know is very much a people lover. She loves, loves animals. She loves music. She loves to cuddle. She is able to tell you when she LOVES something. With the up most sincerity. Which can be often in a day. She has always been attached to me. I'm her comforter.
   I thought about how I could relate on how beautiful my children are. They are extremely beautiful. If I could bottle it up I would. Lord knows we need it. Obviously because they are here. Pun intended. I think about a high end car. Usually I have someone that comes in that realizes that their car that they purchase is expensive. I politely tell it is a such and such, what did you expect? They tell me that it is not worth it. Yes, it is I say. You have a very complicated vehicle. However, it makes you want to drives versus dreading it.
   Cars aren't your scene? I gotcha. Take for example you have Michelangelo creating the Creation of Adam. He did that on a ceiling. That was not easy. He was probably thinking Ah, no thank you. He wasn't thinking about that. He thought about the beauty that would transpire. It would be a struggle but it was worth it in the end. Centuries later people still enjoy that beauty.
   I know what my struggles are. I know what my children face. They are still beautiful. They are worth every once of worry. Every late night cramming as to what to do to handle the situation. I pray not that they are better. That I am better for them. I am so blessed to have these children. I can see the beauty even in the struggle. Sometimes the struggle is even beautiful. Because we know we are battling to get somewhere. One day we will see the beauty of a well thought out painting that God but together.

My Responsibility

   The last couple of weeks have been rather difficult. We had a schedule change. We had Leah get out of school. Any child can have difficulties adjusting. However, when you add sensory issues with autism and ADHD to the mix you might be opening a can. That is just what I did. Not that we had a choice in the matter. Life changes and we have to deal with it. Sometimes we need help. Sharon is getting therapy for that purpose. What about Leah?
   After going back in forth to the neuropsychologist and neurologist it was clear. We were either going to have to wait for her brain to mature  to control her impulses or medicate. I obviously wanted to wait. Who wants to medicate their 4yr old? Ah, no one(in their right mind). I was given ideas about what we can do to help Leah. Some things worked. Some things are hard for her to grasp. Leah has extreme impulse issues. Which requires someone to have an eye on her most of the day. So at what point do you decide to medicate a now 5 yr old?
   This answer is very simple. I have a responsibility to keep her safe. If I feel like I can no longer keep her safe it is time to medicate her. She runs out into a parking lot with no concern for her safety. This is not unusual because she has no concept of safety for herself. She is focused on her goal. Even when I had a shopping cart in between her and the parking lot. Even when I had my hand on her she managed to get 50yrds from me before I could catch her. What if? What if Sharon was there? Who has trouble in parking lots as well. Which one do I keep safe? I have made that choice several times. Usually I have gone after Leah. The Lord has protected my children from numerous situations that could have been bad.
  I have had Leah on a leash since that particular situation. She had tried to run from me again. She headed up on her back. However, Sharon was with me. So running after one child and leaving one child to run in the other direction not an option. We made it out the store with nobody seriously hurt. Going to the store with both as been quite an interesting experience of late. I have been told I'm multi-talented. I try and get what I need hopefully nobody gets hurt.
  I writing this for the purpose of letting people know it is not an easy decision. However, if it prevents the worst situation happening it is necessary. What if I'm too late? I can't go off my own reservations about medication and the right and wrong of it. I can't go off what I want to do. I have to do what is best for her. I have to ask that of myself. Am I really doing this for their benefit or for mine? Does it make their life better or mine. Certainly, it would make my life better in a sense. I am not thinking that. I thinking about what if a car hits her? What if she eats more brass fastners with 4 adults in the room who still couldn't keep it from her mouth. Luckily that didn't get swallowed. I trust in the Lord. I trust that this medicine was developed to help. I trust that He gives me the ability to make the right decision.
 It doesn't make it easy. It is just my responsibility.