Social Functioning

    My children have social dysfunction. It is not unusual in our household to push for more social time even when it is certainly not wanted. For example Sharon has always had trouble with adult males. She has a little trouble with peer males. She will run from adult males. The last thing I am going to do is brush the room for men. I try to have her interact with men. She still very much have problems. It is getting better. We even have a male therapist who works with her. It is something in our household that has to be done.
   Leah has trouble being over friendly. She has an issue taking things. She is over impulsive. She does not have control or access to her emotions. She can be overwhelming. Although she has better communication skills and able to play better than Sharon, she cannot maintain. Sharon has an ability to maintain a long standing relationship with another human. These are things we have to work at in our house. Socializing isn't just a natural thing. It has to be practiced and pushed. It is very much like a class study. While it is very difficult for Sharon to talk to somebody it must be done. It is very difficult for Leah to sit and play it must be done. Independence depends on good social function.
   This brings me to other families. It must be a very difficult thing to have a child that does function rather well socially. Not knowing if there is something to work on. However, they do start to prefer to play with certain people. It is good to have deeper relationships. It is good to be able to say I really like this person. As adults we prefer others as well. We go home from work and might call our friends. Most of us have married our preferred person. When we just allow them to just have their preferred people around them we are not helping them grow.
   If we just have people over that are preferred and ones that are not it is not reality. When they become young adults going out into the workforce they will have to work with non-preferred people. I guarantee that is going to be very difficult for them. They are not going to be able to say well I don't want them around. The world doesn't work that way. I have seen this as a manager trying to deal with scuffles in the workplace. "I just don't like so and so" and "Can't I just not be scheduled with him/her". That answer is no you just can't. It isn't that these employees who were young did not function well socially. It was that they did not have opportunities to deal with non-preferred peers when they were younger.
   We work really hard with someone that seems to have a problem socially. When we find a child that is functioning, we ignore that department and move on. This is something that is going to have to be addressed. I hope for the child's sake it is prior to getting that first job. A lot of transition happens with a job not being able to function in that social situation shouldn't be one of them.
    There are more and more children being diagnosed with Autism, ADHD and other social dysfunctional situations. These children will become adults and be in the workforce. They will be the non-preferred adults. That is just a fact. It takes patience, understanding and love to have a relationship with someone like that. More importantly it takes practice. It takes familiarity.
    It is hard to be uncomfortable. When you are dealing with someone with social dysfunction it is uncomfortable. It takes love to be uncomfortable enough to get comfortable. It is easier when children are younger and able to adapt to get use to it. When we get older it starts to get harder to get out of our comfort zone. If you have a normal functioning child, help them socially. Get them involved with their non-preferred peers now. If are trying to train them up to be high functioning adult this is a crucial part of their development as well. Maybe it is not something that isn't thought of often. As a special needs parent I think of it on a daily basis.

A therapy relationship

     I have been thinking back at Sharon's intensive program as it has been several months since she has graduated. I have several people that I have spoken to in the special needs community about intensive therapy. Some with the same company that Sharon was with. Some that used different companies. I have/had a good experience with the company I used. Although, a number of families in the same program didn't have the same experience. I came to realize that this was the same across the board. I can talk to one family and thought that the therapy was outstanding. I would talk to another they had to leave to try another company. I don't know how some of this plays out. I do know that in order for the therapy to work, a personal relationship needs to be established.
     I knew that if I didn't show trust with the therapists, Sharon wouldn't trust them. I knew that if I did not show interest in the therapist, she wouldn't. It was important for me to be comfortable with the therapists. I knew that it would be hard. I knew that the therapists might not have the same views on life that I do. I had plenty of friends that do not have my same views that is not a problem. Trusting someone with your child is the hard part. Trusting them to know a little more is hard. This was all about Sharon though. When I got my footing the therapists and I starting working as a team. It wasn't they come in and work with her. They work with her but I was involved. I was there. At first I tried to keep busy. She is constantly trying to come to me for the support. It was getting her to realize that she can come to different people for support. To me this is all about relationships. If you have a trusting relationship things get done. It is a little different when you have no trust for someone. It is a lot easier to get work done when you like/love someone.
    That has to be the mindset of the therapist as well. It is very frustrating when you do not get anywhere with a client. I do not know anything about this. I do know that if I have an employee who does not like me it is a long night. I would think they would want to come in and establish trust, friendship than get to work. I think this is where the disconnect is. A lot of people are busy trying to get tasks accomplished. This is about the person. It isn't about the check marks. My therapists. and I knew that. We had a successful outcome in therapy.
    If you have to get something accomplished that requires more than you establish a relationship. Work on that relationship. It isn't about the work that needs to be done. It is about the person who is working with or for that is the key. We try to teach children like Sharon social skills. It is a great opportunity to work on our own. Believe me they are not perfected yet. We all have relationship we wish are better. We wish we had friends that we don't have. If you are a therapist, you have the perfect opportunity to work on those relationship skills. However, we see people everyday with a reason to reach out and connect.

Perception of Beauty

   I was at the doctors office getting an exam for an up coming surgery. I had my daughter Sharon with me. When Sharon was younger it wasn't noticeable that she was autistic. She just seemed shy didn't really want to talk in public. That has changed she has no problem talking away in public. She isn't talking to anybody she is just making comments about what she is seeing or what is in her head. She is consistently talking. We are use to it. If she is not talking she is singing. In the waiting room I get the same old looks that I'm use to. The I am so uncomfortable because of this kid looks. On top of the why isn't she in school looks. Luckily I am really good at ignoring this kinda of thing. I am completely aware of it. Like that growing pile of dishes in the sink that really is unpleasant. I have other things to attend to so it gets ignored sometimes as well.
   I get back to wait for the doctor and Sharon is skipping along behind me. We get in the room, concern is mounting with Sharon. She doesn't want anybody to mess with Mama. She is twittering around the all too small room speaking hastily about my knee and foot. She tells me not to take off my clothes. I tell her we got to do what they say. At this point the one who is usually attending me is visually annoyed by the banter. They usually are fussing to get finished as quickly as possible so they can escape. I do not blame them. They are not use to the sensory overload of Sharon. However, this particular nurse today was taking her time. She had a smile on her face. She told me that Sharon was cute. She asked me how old she was.. I am writing this down because I rarely get someone that does this. She was asking Sharon questions. When it was time to put on my gown, Sharon wanted a "dress" too. The nurse obliged letting her put one over her clothes. Sharon in turns runs around happier than a hog in mud. Another smile from the nurse. The doctor comes in and says "I hear we have two patients today". Again patience seeping from the doctor as Sharon still fluttering about. Getting in the way as the Doctor was trying do an exam. Sharon finally decided to weight her iPod. Sharon checked it out as I was getting checked out. They looked past her all to obvious behaviors and saw Sharon. They did it immediately. I thank them for it.
    If we change our perception we get a clearer image. My daughters have taught me that before I look at something for their behavior ask the question why. There is a purpose to every single thing that a person does. It could be to communicate. It could be that they are angry and are completely unaware. A lot of damaging behavior is caused by pain that the person is having a hard time dealing with. We can all look at somebody and feel weird about them. Are we looking at them? Or are we looking at their behaviors? Are we looking at their beliefs? Are we looking at their politics? We might not agree on things. We all have the same feelings. We all have to make it in this world. It is time to change the perception. It is time to look past the surface. It is time to have relationships based on mutual struggle of life. It is time to look at a human and say hey it's me. I love me. I even love a smaller me. If we can do that perception of beauty changes and love begins.

#AutismBigGive

I was suppose to make a video. I tried and failed. I know what I want to say but can't get it out properly so here we are.

     I am supporting the Big Give for Autism on September 17 because my daughter has Autism. She was diagnosed on December 21, 2010. It was one on of those defining moments in your life. We have several of them. Mine would be when I got married, when God called me and when Sharon was diagnosed with Autism. It was a wake up call. It was time to step up. I thought loving a child and teaching them right from wrong was enough. It wasn't enough for my daughter. Autism is challenging no doubt about it. It is challenging for my daughter and our whole family. However, it made us the family we are. We are thankful for that. We are thankful that we have learned and grew from the challenge. We are thankful for the opportunity to meet people that we wouldn't have met otherwise. People are probably wondering how I can possibly be thankful at all in my situation. First I try and find the good in every situation. If there is no good something has got to be funny about it. That is how I see life. Second I would like to compare it to another challenging situation.
    Recently they have made a movie about climbing Mt. Everest. This is a huge challenge. It is also very dangerous. People sign up for that challenge, are actually excited to be in extreme freezing, painful dangerous conditions. I of course did not sign up for Autism it landed in my lap. It can be comparable emotionally to climbing say Mt. Everest. Sometimes you lose your footing. Somethings you are so lost you can barely breathe. You can't see any sign of getting any where, just white static. Then you get that mind blowing victory. Sometimes your child does something nobody thought they would do, including you. It is once in a life time experience. A victory causes people to take on challenges head on. Autism is a challenge every day. It is a constant struggle. The victories that we experience are greater than any struggle.
    Mt. Everest is a short term challenge. Autism is a life time experience. Many things face a family that it dealing with Autism. We have a lot of things that must be done. It is important to have the support around them. Just like those who tempt Mt. Everest it is never alone. They say it takes a village to raise a child. It is probably the only thing about child rearing that I can hold too.

   If you would like to show your support to the Autism community you can go to https://autismbiggive.org/ . If you have a story to share please do so. Thank you!

What I don't do

    I often get told "How do you do it". I have had time to ponder this recently. The short answer is I don't. I originally get up in the morning ready to do it all by myself. I really do. I think to myself, nope got this. I have touched on several parts of what I'm going to tell you already. I go to bed in pain, I wake up in pain. That is my reality. I know for a fact that it will not change. I can do things to make myself more comfortable but that is my life. I am at peace with it. I know that in Christ that I will not have pain eternally. Some things you get use to. It really is a mentality issue. The question is do I ever get angry or frustrated with my situation? The answer is you betcha.
     I am a human. I have emotions that interfere with my daily life. I feel that anger and frustration are useless. Do I still feel them and demonstrate them? Absolutely. Here is the thing I have severe knee pain right now. It is bad. Bad enough to cause me to get a mouth guard. You see I grind my teeth when I am in a lot of pain. I bruised my jaw the other day grinding. It is better with a guard. Another thing is that I go to the gym. You're asking the question why are you going to the gym with bad knees right? Simple I have RA, the best thing I can do for my body is keep moving. Do something, sitting in a chair hurts. I get on that elliptical and I'm angry. I'm ticked off at this body that I have to deal with. Unfortunately anger only takes you so far. Pain is magnified when you are angry. It can be motivation at times but only if you are not in pain. After I realize I am not going to be able to keep this up, a thought pops in my head. I am not alone. I do not live by bread alone. I live by the blood of Christ who has saved me. As I am thinking of that, I truly am able to forget the pain and keep moving. Is the pain still there? Of course, but my mind has been diverted to better things. I go through this progression a lot.
    I am a stubborn person. I also consider myself pretty intelligent. It is not easy to say I can't do it alone. It really isn't. I am a prideful person. It is by God's Grace that I can say I need. It is important to be able to say those words. It can open so many things up to you if you can admit that without someone else you would be lost. I need His Grace to get me through. If you look at my life it is not an easy road. I have several medical problems and my children have special needs. Sometimes I look back at it as a blur. I ask myself how did that get accomplished. I dare not take credit for the things that seem to go right. I know that it was not I. I know the short answer to "How do you do it?" is "I don't but He is faithful to work in me"

Out of choices

 Sometimes you have choices when it comes to your medical care. Sometimes you can do natural things to help. Anybody knows that is probably the best way to handle it. Other times you need to use medication. I have to use both. I have supplements that I take that do help. However, medication is necessary for many of the problems that I do have. The other thing I have to deal with is surgery. I have had several knee surgeries. I have always been given choices by the doctor. I could either get shots 4 times a year that is the max. I could have a surgery that will give me a couple of years before I am back. The last couple of times I have come in they offered  a full replacement or even a particle. Particle was off the table this time. I was recently diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis. It effects the effectiveness of a particle. A lot of RA patients do not fair well with particles. The doctor will not offer it to an RA patient.
  So I have the shots, temporary surgery or full replacement. Plenty of things to choose from had I didn't have RA. RA is an immune disorder where inflammation in your body attacks the joints. Inflammation puts pressure on joints and hurts anyway. With RA it actually is hurting you. It is painful. The only way to prevent damage to your joints is to prevent inflammation. The shots, temporary surgery I will still have ongoing inflammation. They are no longer an option. I am young to have a joint replacement but it is my only option. I wanted to wait but it isn't something that I would be waiting long for. I would still have to have my knee replaced twice. At this point there is no reason to wait. I will have my knee replaced soon.
   When you are in my position medically it is not easy.  I would love to not have to take pills. I would love to not be in pain every day. It is not the reality for me. If it is a reality for someone else I am happy for them. I am at peace with the fact that I have to deal with these issues. I have over the years been smarter at what I eat. I have been smarter at not pushing my body. I have gotten to a better weight for my body. I stay in shape. Living well does not take away the reality of my situation. Makes it better, of course, it is not going to take away my problems. If I had the mindset that it did I would be pretty frustrated. I remember expecting it to go away in my youth. It was frustrating and made me angry. It no longer has value for me to feel that way.
    Do I ever wake up in the morning depressed? Yes I do. I wake up in pain every morning. Sometimes it gets really bad when I have a migraine on top of it. The thing is I do not have time to stay in that position for long. I do not have time to get bogged down with what is wrong with me. I have two kids that need a lot of help too. It is not a luxury I can afford. What I do is start thinking of things that are promised. I dive into scripture and get my mind straight. It is a struggle to consistently climb a mountain. It is something that He has equipped me to do. If you have a struggle He will equip you. It is up to you to keep your footing.

Encouraging a special needs parent

     You can look at a special needs parent and think this is not easy. We have to deal with a lot of challenges. We deal with a lot of frustrations. We also have a lot of love flowing in our house. We also have victories that we celebrate. We are happy. I want to go through some of the things that can be encouraging to a special needs parent.


1) We are sorry that someone is going through a hardship. It is very difficult. The best thing to say is I'm here for you. Be there to listen. They might want to just talk about other things. They might want someone to take their minds off of the many things they face on a daily basis. I'm sorry that I've had a number of knee surgeries. I really am. I am not sorry for my children.

2) Try to be positive about their life. Find something that is going for them and say it. It could be just what they are wearing at the moment. It could be that they think they handle things well. That they have a lot of strength. Even if they feel weak having someone say they are strong might help. A honest positive reinforcement statement can replace a negative they have in their head. 


3) A lot of parents like to talk about future events of their children. What they are going to do in a couple of years. It is important for a special needs parent to just be concerned about today maybe tomorrow. With so many questions yet to be answered there really is no reason to start looking ahead. It would be very encouraging to understand that piling things in a day is just not possible with a special needs child. I get my children outside I scored. It is very difficult to think about taking this or that class. I can however think about tomorrow. 

4) Realizing that parenting a special needs child is a new realm. They say that parenting does not come with a manual however they try. Special needs parenting really does not come with one. It is trying, trying, trying, succeeding, losing the skill and trying again. There is no set protocol and every one is different. While consequences work for Sharon they do not work for Leah. In fact, anything that works for Sharon does not work for Leah. 

5) Let them come to you for progress updates or how they are doing. I try and know as much about Sharon and Leah as I can. I try and answer questions that I get asked. However, I don't have all the answers. I don't know what their future holds. I feel like I fail on a daily basis. When Sharon was first was diagnosed people asked me questions that I did not have the answer to. I would point them to the internet. Worst thing ever. They will learn and get excited about learning. If they want to come and share they will. I would advice special needs parents that the more somebody knows about your child the more comfortable they are. That is my experience anyway.  

Lastly the best learning experience in this life is to know a special needs person. I know this because I have experienced a lot of things. The most I have ever learned is from being the mother of Sharon and Leah. What they have taught me about life can't be replaced. They experience this world in a completely different way. The parents are part of that. The world that was once concrete becomes fluid enough to change you. That is not always a bad thing.  

  With that being said, I had asked another mother to write down her experience. I hope you enjoy her piece. She is also much better with words. 

My name is Emily. I’m a friend of Kandi’s, and I have two kids on the spectrum: a nine-year-old son and a five-year-old daughter.

My younger sister has four small children, soon to be five. My oldest nephew is six years old. My oldest nephew. Five kids, six and under, all neurotypical. I can’t even imagine.

I don’t understand her life, but I try to encourage her to be the best mom she can. I’m not always good at it.

She doesn’t understand mine, either. Here’s the thing, though. I can’t imagine anyone more supportive or encouraging to me, even though we live far apart.

She approaches my kids with kindness when we visit, and loves them well, just the way they are. She doesn’t offer parenting advice; she understands that she doesn’t understand. Every time I speak to her, she wants to know how they’re doing, and she asks me, and she listens.

My sister understands that we are all here to learn from each other. To support someone in your life with a disability, or raising kids with disabilities, that’s all you need to do. Listen and learn.

You don’t have to say much. “That sounds hard,” maybe, but really the best thing you can do is celebrate the child’s progress. “That’s great,” my sister will say. “I’m so proud of him/her.” She understands it’s not about my parenting. It’s all about the kids.

You don’t need to do anything but bear that in mind. You’re not here to wow us, or be our teachers, and there’s no pressure on you to do that. Don't worry. We’re all here to learn. Every last one of us.

 

Defining the problem

      I have wanted to write something for quite a while. It has been a week or something. As I saw the swarm on social media with the hashtag LoveWins, I was thinking. We have a problem with defining some things. I often hear a lot of definitions get mixed up but this one stood out. Love in a human is a fickle thing. Love in itself is an absolute. It comes from God. I know there already are people who are offended. I don't mean to offend anybody. So if you see the word God and immediately get offended please stop reading. This is not for you. If you think I am writing this post with anything but love please stop reading, this is not for you either. This post is for people who can realize I am a human with a heart. I am just a human. I constantly question just like you. I am no longer searching. I do not look to the latest tread or what is socially acceptable to decide what to believe. I tried that, it gave me a lot of migraines. It wasn't myself who decided that I should stop writing principles on a dry erase board but God. He stepped in and said stop it. So I did. I now go by the principles that are in the Bible. I don't erase them based on what is popular in culture. Here is the thing, I don't care if that makes me unpopular. I really don't. I care that at the end of the day that I'm closer to God. It doesn't mean that I'm perfect, far be it. It just means that I have a different outlook. It doesn't mean I hate everybody else's outlook. It just means that my outlook is best for me.
     When I think of love winning I don't think of a government ordinance or ruling. I think of something completely different. I don't think of a government handing out love. I think of things recently that define love winning. I think of a mother handing over a child to a couple that can love it and take care of it better. I think adoption as love winning. I think seeing  that child in his/her mothers' arms for the first time knowing that it is what God intended as love winning. I think that a person that knows their child is going to be born with huge problems chooses to love them no matter is love winning. It only wins 10% of the time but that is when love wins, my friend. I believe that when somebody is brutally raped in the most horrible way ends up pregnant. I believe when that mother decides to keep the child love wins. I believe that when you look at a person that you have nothing in common with other than the fact that you have blood flowing in your veins; and you love them anyway, love wins. I believe that when a child that wakes up in the morning just to fight you and at the end of the day they can say "I love You", love wins. I believe that when somebody risks their life for another love wins. I believe that when people dig for days in hopes to finding a healthy heart beat and does, love wins. Love wins every single day in a lot of hearts. It doesn't have to be a ruling from a government official. It comes from God who works in us to do the things we would otherwise be unwilling to do. That is when love wins.
    I know you are thinking that I am able to marry who I want so love wins. That is actually you winning not love. Love is not only patient and kind. It also is as a parent and disciplines. We all want that fuzzy part of love that gives us wonderful feelings. Real love sometimes comes from a place that you didn't expect. Sometimes it is going through a struggle and being stronger in the end. Love never ends it is ongoing. It doesn't take a break. It doesn't say hey lets see other people. It  has been won on Calvary with blood and water in Jesus. So when somebody says I believe what the Bible says, they believe love won on that cross. It is something that they do not take lightly. They are probably going to love you faults and all. They will tell you the truth when you need to be told. They will love you through the back lash. Who knows maybe one day you can see what they see. That is in fact what Jesus did for them. I don't know. I can only speak for myself.

When "Thank You" is not enough

     We have a count down calender for Sharon. It is to let her know when she will be graduating from intensive therapy. It will be the day her therapists will moving on to other households to help other children. She will spend her therapy hours which will be quite reduced in the clinic. I have been pondering through the countdown about the progress she has made in those three years. I have thank you notes for each of the therapists. I sit and ponder, realizing Thank You isn't enough.
     Sitting down to write the thank you notes was hard. I have only two days left. Then Sharon will be getting help at clinic. She is ready. There is no doubt there. Although any person with autism is going to have difficulty with this big change. However, I have things in place that will help. I will be home not working. I have other therapies set up. I also am hoping to be spending a lot of time with friends to get her through. These are things that I would probably would've of thought of if I hadn't of been through the intensive process as well. I was with her most of the therapy. She wasn't the only one who learned. Sometimes Thank You is just not enough.
    Sharon is still very much attached to me. When she was younger she felt as if I was her only support. I was the only one she could go to. It was kind of a heavy burden to have placed on you if you think about it. She didn't trust anyone else. It was the first meeting that her senior took her from the room and started building that trust. It was difficult. She was not going to let down her guard. First she hugged one therapist 6 months into therapy. Than it was almost a year before she hugged her senior. When the walls that she had build came down things started happening. She never wanted me to leave her sight. She was in a preferred place today, with a preferred adult, she told me to get out! I looked at her but I'm your Mommy. It is independence that you hope for but it can hit you like a ton of bricks. This is where Thank You is not enough.
      It is now that you can see Sharon. You can see who she is. I have been able to capture her on video and show people. Now she will have no problem being herself around people. The first meeting that we had with family support they had asked me if she was non-verbal. She wasn't going to say anything with her there. Now she asks them where they are going next. She will have a conversation with them. She has conversations with her therapists. Now she is starting to talk to other people that we see. The difference, it is astonishing. You wouldn't even think communication wise she was the same kid. Sometimes communicating gratitude is not enough.
    The team that worked with Sharon was consistent. We had a consistent group. It was a blessing to after the first 6 months basically keep all of her therapists. She had two that where there since the beginning. She has one that no longer a therapist but a dear friend. Still very much lovingly teaching her whenever she gets a chance. One that has just moved on and again still very much a loving teacher. One that started 6 months after service started and one that has been with us for nearly a year. Also she had friends from church that were part of the process. It really helped to have that peer interaction. It was truly a blessing to have our "Little Therapists" be part of Sharon's therapy. All of them very much has been a loving support for Sharon. Excited when she is making progress. They also have been very big advocates for her as well. Her senior did not stop when Sharon was going to loose her services. She kept fighting and held me up. It has helped teach me that Sharon is going to need to be fought for. Hopefully she will one day be able to do it. I have to learn, and do it. I learned so much going through that process. It has helped us get numerous things settled. Even if I feel like I can never express my gratitude properly or in the way they deserve. I want to Thank #TeamSharon for everything that you have done. Everything that you will continue to do as things move forward. 
  

Handicapped

      When I became a christian, I became less disappointed in myself. I didn't of myself become a better person. I just realized that the failures that I can never seem to fix are no longer up to me. I was able to let those go. I kept on failing, I still fail on a daily basis. God said it is ok, trust that I have taken care of it. You see I can't be the one who fixes me. I am a broken wretch so to speak. If I tried as I have in so many ways I fail. I am weak. I completely and totally admit it. Jesus, is my strength, the fixer. I will give an example that I was just thinking about.
      I have recently inquired a handicap sticker for Leah. It is to help get us in a facility faster, thus less panic attacks for me. It is not for me. It is not for when I want to park closer to the store or somewhere without Leah. I have not used it in this manner as of yet. I hope and pray that I don't. Knowing me and the fact that I am a human it will probably happen. I will probably be without Leah and use the handicap sticker for myself. It is completely wrong to do so. I know that. Will it stop me in that an instance where I can't find a parking spot other than handicap? Probably not. I'm going to feel awful about it. I'm probably even writing this example so I don't do it. It won't matter. I am human. I make mistakes. We all make mistakes. We all have issues.
     I am Christian for two reasons 1)I can't fix myself 2) Jesus is the ultimate fixer. This obviously makes me a better human right? No, no, no if I come across like that I profusely apologize. I am needy, weak and quite prideful. I know how weak I am, yet my self esteem is well intact. It is that kind of arrogance that should be fixed. I will boast of my weakness. I can write you books and books of my wrong doings. I want to be good. I wake up with every intention of being good. The times I am I know it is not me. I Praise the Lord for the work He does in me. If I am any encouragement at all, realize I'm going to fail. I work hard at being better, knowing Christ is doing the heavy lifting. In this life, I am handicapped by my failures. God releases me from the burden of them.

My Motivation

    I have written about a lot of things. Weight loss, autism, loss, pain, and grace. I want to take the time for Mothers Day to write about what first motivated me. I didn't truly believe in God until I was about 25 or 26. Until then it was finding something in this world that would keep me going. I will tell you that was hard. It was hard to deal with pain on a daily basis with no hope. Fortunately, God always had a hand in my life. He gave me something that kept me going through my teenage years: A Mother.
     I was 11 when migraines hit me. I would miss 2-3 days of school a week. I was physically sick during that time. Could not eat or drink during the headache. The only thing they had to give me for the pain was narcotics. That was the technology at the time. They found out later that narcotics are the worst thing for migraines. I knew what was ahead. My grandma had them and I had gotten them from her. She still got them. It was very, very difficult for me. I became very angry. I didn't know it at the time but I was extremely angry for having this affliction. It had became a routine for me to go to the pill bottle, and contemplate taking them all. It was one thing that really stopped me. I really didn't want to be that for my mother. I would play out the grieve that my mother would have. I could not do that to her. So I would take what I needed and fought the next day. It is still the same in a sense today.
   I still have pain. It is still a struggle. It is a lot easier than it was. I know that what strength that I do not have God gives it to me. I hardly think about the pain that is a constant in my life. I have been given the Grace to let that go. Every once in a while I will get overwhelmed by it. It does not consume me like it did when I was younger. I am not dealing with it. I am going to do the things I need to do. I may be weak, but He is strong. It really is the difference.  I wish I could say that in and of myself that I could handle things. The truth is that I can't. I wouldn't know where to begin to handle half the stuff that happens with my physical body. Let alone the other things that go on outside of that. My experiences have aloud me to know things. I am no longer angry. I feel content that the things that happen in my life are making me stronger and more equipped.
  One of the things about being someone's child is along the way you want to be what they expected. I didn't want to disappoint my mother. I wake up in the morning and I still don't want to disappoint her. I want to be the person that she intended me to be. It wasn't that she had these over blown expectations. She wanted me to be happy, responsible, respectful and loving. She wasn't expecting me to be a billionaire or be famous. She wanted me to make a life for myself. I am happy. I try everyday to be responsible respectful and loving. If I am not I know that I can try again tomorrow. Another thing about my mother she is extremely patient. She would wait for us to realize or mistakes.
  When I had my first child I named her after my mother. After all in a way I wouldn't have gotten past my teenage years without her. I wouldn't of had a chance to have a child. I thought to myself if I am half the mother that she is, we will be okay. I am not the person my mother is by any means. Obviously she has faults as well. I am not going to say that I had a perfect mother. I know that she was perfect for me. I hope I am that for my children.

Grace is Given

    We were given an assignment for Sharon's English class. We were in a unit learning about braille. We were talking about how braille is what blind people use to read. We met a young lady that had learned from the braille system but uses better technology now for most things.Then we got to Fanny Crosby. Fanny was diagnosed blind at 6 weeks old. There is speculation that she was born that way. Her parents believed it was due to a fever. she had written over 9,000 poems and lyrics for songs in her lifetime. Our assignment was to pick our favorite hymn.
    This assignment was easy for Sharon. She loves music. I let her listen to a few. However, I knew her favorite was "To God be the Glory". Fanny had a unique prospective on her blindness. It was the reason that they chose her for this particular unit. She viewed he blindness as a gift. As young as 8 years old she had wrote about the joy of her first sight being her Savior. She also was pretty sure she would be distracted by all the worldly beauty if not for her blindness. Her fear in this was that she would of lost her ability to write efficiently. She was meant for this purpose in her mind. She wouldn't have changed it. It is what caused her great joy in her life. She knew whatGrace was given to her and why.
     Fanny had struggles in her life. She was blind. It was at the turn of the 20th century. It was not an easy life. Here is the kicker, she had no expectations for one. When one is outfitted with blindness you expect struggle. You expect work. Fanny worked hard all her life for the church. Although she lived comfortably she gave most of her money to support the church, poverty stricken neighborhoods. She had lived in that neighborhood to be of service. Fanny lived a long life of service to the Lord.
     A person probably saw her walking down the street of that poor neighborhood. They were probably sad for her. However, knowing what we know Fanny's life was exceptional. It wasn't that she accomplished a lot of things. Her name is on a lot of songs and writings. I am here writing about her today even. It was the sight she had. Fanny had the best vision in life. She didn't look to this place for her comfort. She looked to her Savior. Although we were not given the same Grace as Fanny. Each of us has a different purpose. We can appreciate the ability to be blind to this world and have a clear vision of God's eternal love.

Some of Fanny's work:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ymrZO1PZbU4

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CMFM-lpzCC0


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h_nIRLD_5gE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BEOtFEs0Jos&list=PLYFFDf-5H3xCqnih72z9wS2Lel_pTkEZW

Most of songs are like this. In complete awe of the wonderful Grace that has been bestowed upon her. Keep in mind while you listen to the music: She was blind, the world was dark to her. Listen and see if you hear any darkness in her heart or words. God Bless.

Autism, ADHD and the diagnosis

   I had promised a post on diagnosis on Autism and ADHD. I am here to make good on that promise. Often times we hear the word Autism pop up and any number of things can pop up. Only one thing is really associated with ADHD and that is the hyperactivity. So much more is involved with both. My version of these things are different from someone else. The reason being is that each kid with these type of disorders are different. They are spectrum disorders. Depending on who the child is they might have different issues surrounding the diagnosis. I'm going to touch on the symptoms that effect my children.
    Sharon has Autism. A lot of things spider web off of that. When someone is autistic they might have a wide range of disorders. Sharon has social dysfunction, OCD and speech delay. These are the main reasons for her diagnosis. Underlying these disorders are several others. Sharon has Motor coordination disorder which means that she has a hard time getting her brain to tell her body what to do. Hyperacusis is an acute sense of hearing. She has learning disabilities. She also has muscular dystrophy, another name for low muscle tone. There are several other diagnosis that go along with autism but these are Sharon's issues. Sometimes you have children that cannot speak but do not have social dysfunction. They know how to function in society they are just unable to speak. Sometimes they will not have the OCD. It is not very common but I have seen it. That is one of Sharon's biggest struggles, the OCD. Low muscle tone along with bad motor coordination makes it hard for Sharon. Getting up and off  of things is very difficult. Most of her learning difficulties come from motor coordination. She might know it in her brain but she can't get her body to say it or do it. That happens more often than not. She is thinking of a P and writes a D. She will see what a picture is and be thinking about something completely different. So she talks about what she is thinking about. Sharon also thinks in a picture based reality. If she can't picture it in her head she probably does not understand it. Her fall back is her memory which is much better than a normal persons. She files situations away and retrieves them when necessary. It is very difficult to explain something abstract to Sharon. When she gets something though she gets it. Sharon needs time to process things. It is hard because the things that take us milliseconds takes her a minute or so. As someone who is not autistic, I have no understanding of that. I try but it is one of those things that I can't be in her shoes.

   Leah is very complicated. There is so much to still figure out about her. She has hyperactivity that is associated with ADHD. With that comes with things that are hard for her to process. Like Sharon it is difficult to process things. Leah is the opposite from Sharon. She is moving too fast to process. Her body is already moving before her brain has processed it. It might be the other way around as well. Her brain has processed something so fast not allowing her body the time to move. Thus, it gives the impression of flightiness. Going to one thing to another without finishing, she has forgotten what she started. Leah also has a hard time with sensory issues. She has textile, food and sound sensory problems. So they would label her as SPD or sensory processing disorder. Some noises can hurt when she hears them. Jeans hurt her when she wears them. She does not like certain shirts. She is extremely ticklish. She is very picky about her food. We have a hard time feeding her. ADHD comes with anxiety. Why wouldn't it? Everything that you try to do seems to get mucked up. So you get anxious about doing anything. It is important that you praise them for what they do right and diminish what they do wrong. Meaning that we work on bad behavior in a rewarding way. If she is able to not do something she gets a sticker towards something. We only focus on one behavior at a time. For instance, if you can go a day without throwing toys(or backpacks) you get a sticker. Really trying to focus on the one than bring another to the top. It is a slow process. However, We are making slow progress with it. Leah also has her medical condition which is probably our biggest worry. She has ketotic hypoglycemia. It is a condition in which your body doesn't store enough sugar. It starts producing ketones to keep up. Ketones make you sick. It makes it seem like you have the stomach flu except worse. Your blood sugar drops than you can't eat because your throwing up. It is a mess. Luckily we can monitor well now. We know what to look for and an ER just down the street.
  One might ask the question: With all this going on how does one function? We should ask that question about a lot of things. It is hard to fathom being blind when you have sight. Being deaf when you can hear. These things are hard to understand. How can someone go through the day in a wheelchair and be happy? I really don't have to search very far to see if my daughters are happy. They are probably the happiest people I know. It isn't because they don't know they have problems. It is because they move past them. Their lives are have no less value than mine. In fact, sometimes I feel as though they are doing more than I have ever done. It is written:
 "As He passed by, he saw a man blind from birth. And His disciples asked Him,"Rabbi who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?" Jesus answered,"It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him." John9:1-3
 I pray that we all of are full of joy. Joy that what our journey brings is so that the works of God might displayed it that path. God Bless.

Things I learned as a Special Needs Mom

  April is Autism Awareness month as many of you know. I like to take the opportunity in April to dive into some things in our lives. As people who have read my blog know I have two daughters, one autistic, the other ADHD/SPD/Medically at risk. A number of different diagnosis are associated with both. There are reasons why they have two different diagnoses. These two are as opposite as you can get. Leah also has a medical condition,ketotic hypoglycemia. Luckily Sharon is pretty healthy.
  One of the things I've had to learn is about their specific problems. In order for me to beneficial at all I had to learn. The regular parenting books were WRONG! I would consistently looking at my book than at Sharon shaking my head. It was like I had repair manual for a Chevy but had a Ford. When Sharon was finally diagnosed, I was able to read the right books. I got on the right track. The same thing happened with Leah. Leah is/was very difficult to keep up with. The notion that they will wear themselves out was not in Leah. The more she goes the more wound up she gets, the faster she goes. Leah does not get cause and affect. What happens now is what she knows. It really does no good to give her a consequence. Unfortunately this is traditionally how you rise a child. You give them consequences, discipline when they don't meet the demand. This is a instinct if parenting. Both girls are very much parented differently than the average child. Why? Because they are not the average child. Ergo, a different method is required. This is a learning process for me. I try to learn as much as a can.
  Expecting the unexpected is one of the things you have to combat yourself as a special needs mom. Going to the grocery store was something I thought was normal experience that a mom and child could have. Sharon proved me completely wrong. I would get yogurt, still her favorite snack thing. Her world came crashing down when she realized that we could not eat it right away. She let me and everyone else in the grocery store know that her world was ending. We are not emotionally attached to the same things. Sharon had a love for stop signs for a while. I would not be able to get her to walk past one without trying to clobber it. She is also tackling me as well. She is not small. I call her my little linebacker. She can tip you over. Leah is just unexpectedness herself. I don't know what to expect from her, in the same sense I don't think she does either. It is hard to set expectations when we are not sure how the day is going to go. I have to set perimeters for the day. It is very difficult for Sharon to not know what she is going to do. She is very anxious about what happens next. Leah as well. She needs to know where she is going tomorrow. What is happening next. They very much are not sure of it. I have to go over it with them on a daily basis.
  Based on the fact that my girls needed to know where they were at in this world, I did too. I was very much a fly by the seat of my pants person. I couldn't be that with these two. They have to know I have a plan. They have to know that I am in control of the situation. I had to be better than I was. I couldn't continue to not have a plan, a backup plan and plan c. I still wait til the last minute on things. Compared to before Sharon, I'm not even the same person. Literally, I don't even look the same. I was overweight. Even that was not going to fly. Not being able to run after Leah when she did not listen was not an option. I work hard in the gym. It is not to look good. I'm in training.
    Many people have told me to worry about their future. I have hope. If a person can connect with another person, love them, there is hope. Life is about relationships. That is what it is about. First establishing a relationship with Christ. Then establishing relationships with people. Every single person on this planet has a purpose. Sometimes it is very hard to see the purpose. However, with children with special needs it can be easy if we open our eyes. They might not have what we perceive as success. In God's eyes He has put them here to do His best work. We are weak. Every single one of us. Some of us are blind to it. A special needs person does not "need" extra grace or extra prayers. Their outward needs are just what we are inwardly. Our reaction to that is why they are extremely important. I have hope.
     There is a lot of posts already this month about how people had changed. They are far better people with better view on life because of their children. That is true of a lot of parents not just parents of special needs. We become better when we have children, one would hope. I became part of a whole new community. A community that was mine. I was naive when it came to people with special needs. Scared of them even. Well, I never been scared of Downs because well they are just the best people. It was this, I was charged with two. I have a much better outlook on life. I use to think I knew what success was. I was wrong. Success is when you accomplish something you thought impossible. Success is when you realize who is your reason for success. It is not money or rewards, it is a big smile after a lot of hard work. We have a lot of big smiles because we work hard.
    I can't express in a small paragraph what I have learned. I have learned more in 7 years that I have in the previous 27 years. In some ways I feel sad about that. In other ways I am so glad that my daughters have motivated me to change every day. I am glad that I learned more today to be better tomorrow. A lot of the times unless we are motivated we stick with the status quote. I never have the feeling of I want to stay the same anymore. I use to, I use to think I knew it all. My daughter prove to me that I have a lot to learn. They humble me every single day. I am very, very thankful for that.
   I use to shake my head when children went off in the store. I work in the store that might be part of it. I just laugh now. I mean that is just stupid if I think about. My children are not well behaved. Why would somebody else have children that behave all the time? I don't expect adults to behave all the time either. We all have bad days and that translates into bad behavior. I try and help adults get into a better mood. I do not judge them by their behavior. If I did that I would have to do that with my daughters. Leah has extremely bad behavior sometimes. I know that she in fact does not want to go to such lengths. She gets very remorseful., when you slow her down. She is so cute though, nobody really cares. Everybody refers to her as an angel. I immediately shake my head. Nobody is an angel in this world and certainly we can be reminded of that. When Sharon just immediately goes to the ground when she doesn't want to leave I don't think anything of it. I just give her options moving forward. When she thinks that it is important to hug a stop sign, I allow that. It doesn't hurt anybody. I will teach her people are more important than stop signs, hug me. Leah is a creature all her own. She will turn into a hulk. I tell her how cute she is when she is mad. I try and make her laugh. Sometimes it is just trying to get her back into the car. Leah acts out all her disappointment. It seems like she is disappointed a lot. Most of the time she is very happy. The thing I learned from my daughters is that if a parent is having a bad store trip just laugh. It is not a big deal, next week will be better.
     As a parent of a special needs child I'm blessed. I have been blessed with a unique opportunity to learn more about God and life. God always provides ways to bring us closer to him. Unfortunately, in our condition it is through struggles. Struggles do not have to be defeating. They can be the biggest victories in your life. People look at my girls and say it must be hard. All parenting is hard. There is not a single parent that has an easy job. Mine is different, more challenging but that could be more rewarding too. I became a better wife, friend, worker, mother and communicator because of their issues. I have met people that I wouldn't of met. Some that I will be with us the rest of our lives. I want to say my kids are awesome. They are probably the best people I have met. I am not just saying that because I'm their mother. They truly are amazing. Sharon has a unique way of making you admire her. She enjoys people even though she does not understand them. Leah loves you even though she hasn't met you. She really struggles with anger. However, you can see love so deeply planted that it might win its day. I hope that if you haven't met my children that you get an opportunity to. I also hope you get an opportunity to meet other special needs children. Special needs children are a blessing because they serve to better a community. People say that special needs children do not deserve a chance at life. They say that they will need care for the rest of there lives. However, it is a blessing to care for someone. It is a blessing to be that servant. They serve for people to lift them up. To become leaders to become Christ like. They are important. I am thankful for that blessing.

The Existence of Sin

  I had a few ideas in my head about a post. I need to step back and finish what I started with my last one. One of the things that I find let me chose a word here: frustrating, is the blame game. There is only one thing to blame for everything that is unpleasantly present in this world. It is the fact that sin is present. We can to wipe out toxins, GMO's and whatever else that might be causing our lives to be sucked out of us. The problem is the real bugger boo is we are blaming, looking at the wrong end of the stick. It is sin that causes problems not the product of sin.
  I am going to give an example. It has to do with cars. Bare with me on this one. I have people come in all the time mad. They are mad because something is really broke on their car. They have driven it and driven it. Now it is far worse than it could of been if they addressed the problem right away. A person comes in that needs an engine. They are quite angry at the car that had absolutely failed them, just failed them. I asked what happened? They tell me the intake gasket was leaking and it ruined the engine. I ask if they knew the intake was leaking. They say it hasn't been leaking for long(indicating longer than 3 months). I ask if the intake was leaking and it wasn't fixed right away how is it the cars' fault that it failed? I get a blank look. Than they compare it to a friends' car. I simply say this is not your friends car. It is different, if it was fixed we wouldn't be having this conversation. Ergo take better care of your car. It wasn't the car it was the person who was in charge who had failed. The customer was blaming the product.
  It has been since the beginning of time that we have blamed the product and not the actual issue. It isn't until we really figure it out does it get fixed. Most of the time if we look right in the mirror we will find it. Who wants to do that? Who wants to look at themselves and say I'm the problem? However, we are. We cause our problems. Adam ate of the apple and blamed it on Eve instead of his own sinful heart. Eve blamed it on the serpent. We blame and God forgives. David tried to hide his from everyone. It was only until he realized he was to blame he repented of his sin. He realized how much he needed God. We do that in our lives. We try and fix our broken lives with our sure will power. We desperately to prevent the sin from touching us. I'm going to give you a secret. You can't. It is ingrained into everything that is human in you. It doesn't say in the Bible, get rid of toxins, cancer, GMO's, bad behavior in general and anything else you can think of. No it says "The wages of Sin is death" That is a bummer. There is good news though!!!!!
     Even though the first Adam ingrained sin in us, the second ingrained forgiveness in us. We do not have to rely on ourselves to save us. Christ has done that. We do not have to be in constant worry about things of this world. Christ died to all of that. He died to all of the muck and grime of this world. I promise as He has that we will see glorification of that. Be patient and know that He finished the work. Desperately searching for answers about toxins, cancers and these other things is essentially a dead end(literally). However, when you feel a need( and are tied up worried about it) please search in the Bible instead. Know that He rose and conquered all of these things. Victory is at hand. Go in peace, my beloved family.

Vaccinating a debate.

 This subject is very difficult. I try and stay away from it if at all possible. It is about vaccines. I am a special needs mom. I have two children one that is Autistic and the other that is ADHD/ sensory processing/ medically at risk. This happens to be a genetic disorder for both of them. It was not caused by environment but by birth. I want to get that out of the way. I have a genetic defect that can cause additions or deletions in chromosomes. It is a 50% chance that it can be caused. After all it takes two to create a new genetic code. I will be a little scientific in the beginning here. I am not a scientist, however, we have done our fair share of research recently. I am not a doctor either, and again we have seen our fair share recently. We have spent a lot of time with the geneticists. Here is what I got for you.
  Scientific research, medical research, and history all point in favor of getting vaccinated. I mean we look at America and we freak out at the 100+ cases of measles this year. Should we freak out? Absolutely it kills. In America we have the best medical care in the world. We have the best fighting chance against the disease. In places where they don't, well they see about 16 deaths an hour from this disease. That is down. Yes that is what I said. In 2000 it was near 60 an hour. Wow, what a difference the disease is going away. Sure it is along with a rush of vaccines that were brought in countries that did not have them. That is about a 75% decrease in death. Now that these countries have vaccines they have bigger health issues right? No, they are healthier. If you have 1 less deadly disease running around it tends to help. It is/was so bad that mothers don't give children real names until they get past the disease. That is the present. Can you imagine? They have no problem walking 10+ miles to get a shot to prevent such a thing. No problem what so ever. Historically in America back in the 50s it was not uncommon to lose a child to diseases like small pox, polio, and measles. America had great medical care but they are still very hard to treat to this day. Then vaccines came along. It took a long time to get them to work properly. They are not perfect, but nothing in this world is. Unlike a lot of other countries, America doesn't know what a lot of these diseases are. They are still around and still killing I might add. In 2000 in America while worldwide measles were killing 60 people per hour, we had zero cases. Also in 2000 we had less than 10% un-vaccinated rate. It is 2015 we have an un-vaccinated rate of 25% and measles. This is scientific evidence that vaccines prevent disease and not vaccinating doesn't.
   Here is where you're either angry at me or cheering me. It is a very divided subject. So I will clarify my views a little bit. I think that there are reasons to NOT vaccinate. None of them have to do with Autism. If a person is at medical risk, or has a family history of medical risk vaccines are up for a debate. This can be also cleared up with blood tests and medical advice. Which is hard to get sometimes because the medical profession is really into saving lives. The subject of vaccines come up it can get a little harsh. I think the doctors should handle things with compassion and reassurance. This population would include about 5%, I'm being generous with 5 it is probably closer in the 2-3. This population is also at greater risk of getting something like the flu and getting extremely sick. That is why it is very important that the community around them are in fact vaccinated.
    Now we are at the other 20% who believe their children will be healthier un-vaccinated. In some way I can see their view point. Here in America we seem to have all these problems like allergies and just other junk that doesn't happen in say Poland or Germany, China for that matter. That I got to thinking, wait those people vaccinate too. If vaccines caused this stuff why isn't it running rabid in every single person that gets vaccinated. I mean why doesn't everyone have cancer? Why doesn't everyone have peanut allergies? These are questions I'm asking myself going through 3 years of DON'T VACCINATE IT'S TOXIC, everywhere I go. Well if it is toxic why are we well... so healthy, comparative to other countries? Than I started to get into genetics that got me thinking again. Places like Poland, Germany and China vaccinate. However, they do not have the same issues as far as allergies, disabilities or some other health issues. The answer is astoundingly easy. Genetics, my friend. We are the most genetically diverse country in the world. Our population is filled with diversity. It is wonderful. My husband is mostly German but I wouldn't honestly begin to tell you all the different lines I'm from. I'm what we would call an American Mutt. What happens when one cross breeds dogs? You get a unique dog but sometimes that breed can carry issues. It doesn't have anything to do with the environment and any breeder will tell you that it is all about the genetics. The Amish as well in this country have less diverse genetic group of people. Here is the thing: is there a stand out artist or scientist in that group? Probably not, really good builders and farmers. That is what is being produced. Genetic diversity is wonderful because you get wide range of talents in all different areas. Thus, America really thrives. Now that I have compared us to to dogs, I have just one more point.

  I hope and pray that the reason that one doesn't vaccinate against a deadly disease isn't for the reason up above. My two children. A lot of people say they have the challenges they have because of vaccines. I am going to straight out call them lairs. Don't fear Autism and ADHD over deadly diseases please don't. I have had the extreme pleasure of raising these beautiful children. It would quite frankly be insulting. This is the main reason I have written this post. If this had to do with me, I would just leave it. It seems like we are saying in this country Autism>deadly disease. I love my children too much enough is enough, I can't abide. I can't have someone look at my child and say I will take my chances with measles. No sir.
  Science is great but without God it is meaningless. We don't know where to start or end without God. That is the truth of it. If God from the beginning of time has our lives planned out for us and we believe that we should not fear the unknown. I believe that my children were designed for a specific purpose to serve the Glory of God. Many ways they have changed my whole outlook on life for the better. I am not the same person I was before having them. I will protect them against diseases and sickness as much as possible. However, I cannot shield them from the struggles that they must go through. That is God's design. No matter how hard I try I will not change the unchangable. He is unchangable. I would of had the ability to protect my daughter from autism as I would have the ability to sprout wings and fly.That was an absolute. Protecting my daughter from measles that, that I can do. I can't play God. I can only be a parent. God Bless.

A year that will be marked

  Some years are more significant than others. You look back as yet another one passes into the next thinking about the past. I will remember 2014 as the year my grandmother went home. She passed away on November 24. Doris Darleen Oliver was more that just your average grandma to me. She was the easiest person to say hi to and the hardest person to say goodbye too. She loved her family. She defined in my mind what family was suppose to be.
  Grandma had tabs on everyone in the family. She wanted everyone to be alright. It was upsetting to her to hear that someone in the family was having trouble. She fought, worked, loved hard for her family. Those values trickled down to her children and her grandchildren. When my Grandma was sick or was having surgery there was at least 10 people in that room. We drove, flew did whatever if she was having some thing done. It was her strength that was admirable. She had been through a lot. We tried to make sure we were there.
   My Grandmother much like myself suffered from chronic pain. Most of her life she had migraines. Later she suffered from issues with her knee. Eventually she had lost that leg due to staph infection. My Grandmother unlike me had lost three children in her lifetime. She had the best demeanor. She was usually happy. She rarely had a cross word unless you deserved it. She was truthful. She did not have time for nonsense. She didn't have time for childish behavior. She wasn't your regular grandma spoiling wasn't her thing. The things you learned from Grandma were timeless.
    I learned that having faith that God won't give you more than you can handle. I learned that God thought that Grandma was really strong. I learned that God was right. I learned that even if things are bad you can encourage others. My Grandmother's life was no picnic of roses. It was rough to say the least. You wouldn't of  known that talking to her. She would of talked of her children and grandchildren. She would have been smiling. She wouldn't of told you of the pain and probably the desire for it to end. She loved and was loved. That is what we were put on this earth to do.
   Even though later in her life my Grandma suffered from dementia, her face still lit up when you saw her. She still tried to smile when you came in the room. I rejoice that she is home. I rejoice that she is reunited with the loved ones that are no longer here. I rejoice that she is no longer in pain. I most of all rejoice that one day I will see her again. Until than I will do as she taught me. I will fight, work, and love hard for my family. I will know that in Christ I can persevere.