No pain, No Gain

   Okay I had promised a post about my weight loss. And I suppose you want me to go into how I did it. But you are indeed asking the wrong question. People ask me all the time how did you do it? And I politely tell them: I eat 1200-1500 calories a day and go to the gym for and hour and 20 minutes a day. But in essence the real question is: How did He do it?
    That fact is I wake up in pain nearly every day. My first thought is not I'm going to be disciplined today and go to work. NO! It is I want to go back to bed. So how exactly did one who just wants to go back to bed in the morning lose 70 pounds? It takes quite a bit of discipline that is for sure. I do have a slightly overbearing schedule. And there is that pain thing. Which I happen to have a knee surgery scheduled for in the near future for. Nothing is impossible with God. I know, I know that is something I had to get into my head before I started this journey.
      I had tried to lose weight before. Many times before. I had failed for one reason. I had no trust that God will bring me through. I had hypothyroid disease that was undiagnosed for years. The knees that needed surgery every time I got started. And of course the migraines that flared up so bad I couldn't even think about getting out of bed. However, I still have all those problems. I still have knees that need surgery. I have had a migraine that lasted three weeks in the middle of this weight loss thing. Luckily I'm medicated on the hypothyroid part. I have to go in every couple of months to make sure it is in check. I came to it again though with a new understanding. That if I rely on God that I will indeed be successful.
     I started out when I lost the first ten pounds I really couldn't believe it. I had never been able to lose more than a pound before. I sat down in locker room and thanked God. Knowing that if I didn't lose anymore I'd still be happy. I kept working. I made it a routine. Desperately carving out time. Knowing that at any time I would have to stop for 1) a knee surgery, 2) a bad migraine, 3) Sharon's schedule. I still am to this day working just as hard knowing in a few days I have to have knee surgery. I know that is what God has for me.
     I obviously have changed what I do at the gym due to the knee. I had to change it to almost all upper body work. And take it easy on the knee. But from 50-70 weight loss I had known I needed knee surgery. Surely if God was holding my hand during this process, He had been carrying me this last part. I have been in a lot of pain. However, I know my work is not finished. I know I can still accomplish my goal and keep my knees safe. And I know in the end it is better for knees to lose the weight in the first place.
     I have had a number of people who have said I have inspired them. Although I feel this is a great compliment which it really is. It truly is wonderful that someone is thinking about me. And wants to say something nice to me. I feel in fact since I really rested in God's hands that I didn't do most of it that it is misplaced. I feel that if you want to be inspired look to the Christ.When He said "It is finished" He gave me hope. When He said "It is finished" He gave me peace. When He said "It is finished" He gave me a home. Be inspired. Be blessed by that as I have.

Losing Weight

     Ah, you think this is going to be about my 66lb weight loss. I will write about that a later date. More important things are a foot.You see Sharon gets funding from the state to get around 27 hours of therapy per week. This out of pocket would be roughly 60k a year. Sharon needs the therapy. She had qualified for it. We waited a year for it. When Sharon was in the mist of losing her therapy I thought I had a hundred pound weight on me. The therapy that had only been in her life for ten months made a huge impact. To end it would be detrimental. All the things that happened in my life. This could of quite possibly weighted on me the most.
    The three weeks that we were working to get her therapy up in running I could only think about it. I thought about how much it has done for her. I thought about the therapists who work with her everyday that may not be there. I thought about how much they care. I thought about her team leader who seemed to get Sharon immediately. Eventually we would have to move on to a non intensive therapy. But it was too soon. That is what we were all thinking. It was too soon. Thankfully her caring therapy team worked non stop to help get her funding back.What a blessing her therapy team was throughout this process. They were there and let me vent. Realizing yes quite possibly I was going crazy. But they understood. And did not mind the calls. Her team leader got multiple texts from me a day. She got calls from me crying. The Lord put me in the right hands. They were able to keep me calm when it was hard to even think. I will forever be thankful for the comfort alone.
   We anxiously turned everything in after her funding expired. Now Sharon was off her routine. Behavior was indicating that. Wetting the bed. Hitting and pushing the sibling more than usual. Trying to accomplish small task while one is set to destroy was difficult. We were in day one. Day two came along and I tried to keep us busy. It was hard for me as well. My mind was on emails, phone calls when am I going to find out. What do I do from here. I also in the middle of working on knee surgery. Also getting Leah set up for preschool for summer. All of those things I can't even think. I was praying for  my mind back. I did my usual things. Went to the gym. Went to work. Did stuff around the house. Kept girls from hurting each other. for the most part. Anxiety level was the highest I ever want it to go. Then day three came and I was done about 9ish. I had an MRI with the anxiety feeling. I had to get this over with either way.
      I called the social worker and she came back eligible after the tests, notes, and questions.  Sharon had her funding back. That hundred pound weight seemed to be lifted in an instant. I was so relieved.We worked very hard, her therapists and I so that it would not effect Sharon that much. That she would not suffer from the lack of therapy. And her routine being off for a prolonged amount of time. I think we were very successful. Although she is keenly aware when I am under stress. I did pray in front of my children. And made them aware that I need help. That I am going through I rough time right now. I full well admit it. I needed God's help. He is always there. And if it were not for the strength of the Lord during this time I would have gone mad.
  To conclude I want to make note that I have a very strong faith in the Lord. However, being a mother gets the best of us. Since I am a mother I tend to something quite odd:Worry. I worry about a lot of stuff. In all of this I know I sounded quite panicked. And I was. I am after all human. I don't worry about myself so much. I'm not even worried about the knee surgeries I have coming up. But I worry about Sharon and Leah. I guess that is something all mothers do. And when you have a special needs child anything that is going to set off their routine is bad. Going from 27 hours of therapy to limited therapy to none that is major huge. Can't even wrap your head around it bad. I mean I don't do things because it is out of routine. Like parties; parties aren't in the routine. And the store is even hard.
   Every thing has a purpose in the Lord. I was able to appreciate even more the therapy that Sharon is getting. Even though sometimes I complain about overbearing schedule. Her funding that is provided. And what a wonderful country we live it that provides such funding. And the fact that I need to be more aware of my daughter needs and providing for them. And being prepared to do so in the next year. So this trail even though was a heavy burden. Was probably very much needed to open myself up a little bit more. And be diligent in this work set before me.

Loving Them is easy

      Sharon in all reality was my first experience with autism. And she fascinated me there was no question. When I had no clue what I was dealing with it was frustrating. I didn't speak her language nor did she speak mine. Although, I had incentive to learn more about autism I had an isolation. Sharon was just Sharon. She was the only autistic person I knew. She was unique and by all means is still. However, I met a lovely red headed boy and his mother whom changed my perspective.
      Sometimes you just feel isolated when you are dealing with a special needs child. Every one around you has typical children. Having typical problems and mine is doing her thing. So when I met this young boy and his mother having the same issues it was refreshing to say the least. And the lovely little boy was so much like Sharon right away. I instantly fell in love with him. He very much had his routine. He, like Sharon had a different way to communicate his frustration. And he liked tickles just like Sharon. His smile and laugh lights the room. This is when I knew I needed to learn more about autism. I wanted to met more autistic people.
    Being able to talk to somebody who get it is invaluable. Autism was our common ground but being friends was easy. I loved going over there seeing our children play together. And it was fun when we forgot that we really should take them both out in public. But we always joked. It made it easier when we were together. Even though they are in a different part of the country I still get to keep up with them. I get to hear about how well he is doing. I get to see his smiling face. What a wonderful family I just adore them.
  The schedule is brutal. After I get done scheduling my life I can't even think about social time or talking to some one I absolutely adore. But these are sacrifices we make. Eventually I will have a social life again. I will get to actually talk for more than two seconds to my friend. Whom I didn't think that I needed. But I did. In the end it was easy to love the family who was in essence yours.

Therapy and Letting Go

      Sharon gets right now 27 hours of intensive therapy a week. Is it working? Well she walked up to a stranger and said "Hi, My name is Sharon, What is your name?" It is something they are working on at the clinic in therapy. And she is finally translating it into the real world. A year ago she would not have been walking around comfortable asking people their names. Today she does. Sharon has gained so much from the therapy. It is really her OCD behavior that can really benefit from multiple people working with her in a variety of ways.
     If I were to just work with Sharon then she sees just one way of doing things. This in turn would cater to her OCD. Do I want 6 or 7 extra people interfering in our lives? Absolutely not. Do I think it is crucial for her development? You bet. And it has proven so. One therapist might come in and play a game one way. The second comes in and plays it differently. This is the plan. It is okay to play it differently. We don't have to play it the same way every time. As long as we are having fun with our friend. One might play on the side or by the coach, the other on the table. All of those things don't matter to someone who is not OCD. But to someone who is it drives them nuts. NO! we play here! They are trying to show her it is okay to play here or there or anywhere. It is not the Autism itself more over that probably holds Sharon back. It is her OCD that consistently is putting her in that box. And no body is more annoyed by that than Sharon. The more therapy she gets the happier she seems knowing that yes it is OK to let go.
      As a parent as well it is very important to let her know controlling every thing is not her job. That in fact it is God's. That everybody has a problem wanting to control things. But it is when we let go and give Him the control that we are free from that burden. We all want situations to be under our control. In a person with OCD they are just a little more obsessed with it. Even though I can look at my daughter and think why are you obsessing over that. I'm sure God is thinking the same thing about me. LET GO.