Room to Grow

  My 2016 started out with frustration. I was recovering from my knee replacement that was brutal. I didn't progress the way I had hoped. I was going to rehab with folks just zipping through the process. Here I was struggling to bend my leg. I was worried that I wouldn't be able to do the things I had wanted too. It was a slow, painful process that I will have to go through again.
  We started in 2016 working towards getting a house with Habitat for Humanity. We got on the fast track to get one by June. It was a little difficult to work out. I could not work on construction site which was usually required. They had me work in the the office. It was fun to work there. I did little things in the office. Habitat requires 375 hours of sweat equity to purchase a house. I was more than willing to do this of course. It became quite difficult trying to get Sharon watched towards the end but we managed to work it out. Greg worked construction and loved it. It was hard on Sharon too. I was worried that I would not be able to make enough hours. Then they offered me a speaking engagement. I was fine with that I like talking especially about myself. They realized that I liked to talk so they kept on giving me these talking engagements. In no time we had the hours we needed for our house. I enjoyed earning sweat equity this way. I continue to work with Habitat on their speaking tours as a volunteer now. It was amazing to be able to purchase a home that we would not of been able to afford save for Habitat. We spend half of 2016 in our new home. We are very much blessed by the process that it took for us to get the home as well.
   As my immediate family was being blessed it was still a hard year for those close to us. My dear friend suffered from the discovery of a brain cyst. She required an operation in March. Which became our March Madness. Although I am use to hospitals, surgeries and pain I am the one in it. It was very difficult to watch my friend deal with having surgery and the long recovery. It was not a good year but she is still with us so I am thankful.
   Sickness seemed to loom with those who were close to us as family members went in and out of hospitals. Even as we were blessed this year it was hard to be too happy. We also had Leah that seemingly could not gain control of her stomach and then finally: a diagnosis. She was suffering from stomach migraines. I had stomach migraines in high school. These were mostly brought on by anxiety. She was put on medication and within a month she was significantly better. Her behavior was as well. She has had a tremendous year in school.
   Sharon had a time of it too. We were constantly running around with doctor appointments for Leah. Therapy appointments for me and for her. She never had a routine schedule down. It was wearing on her. When we moved it became clear that she needed deep structure. Something I could not provide for her. I made an extremely hard decision for me. I put her in school. I wasn't happy about it. The school certainly was. However, Sharon and I were both exhausted emotionally. It was something that had to be done. She took to it right away. Of course it took a less than a second for her staff to fall in love with her. She had a little bit of trouble with the bus. We got over that hump and rides it without a problem.
   I always try and do one thing in the New Year. I hope to be better than I was the year before. I feel I have accomplished my goal this year. I feel I have room to grow a lot next year. I want to spend some time learning and hopefully encouraging those who need it. I have started reading through the history of Autism. Which I have a little bit of knowledge but I want to know more. Several other books that I want to read as well. I hope to have more information.
  With every year one thing is guaranteed: suffering. At one point in time there will be deep sadness and suffering. We usually drop the ball and thing only happy thoughts about the New Year. We are completely shocked to learn when suffering comes along. We think no that was last year, totally done with that. Suffering is not something that goes away from year to year. It will come. It will shock. It will be painful. In Christ we are promised suffering is only temporary. It will only last for so long. We will be here shortly. We then soon will be comforted by the eternal promise of a home that is shockingly wonderful. Not for the things it it but for the presence of Christ. I can only imagine. I pray that we all take this as comfort. In suffering we know it as temporary and in happy times that we do not for forget the awesomeness of Christ. Bless you and your family in the New Year!

Shackled

  This will be a follow up to my previous post "unshackled". If you haven't read that it would probably best to read first. After we Unshackle ourselves, we see the blatant prison around us. We see the key and the key master gets us out. Great! What do we do? Of course, look for ways to lock ourselves up again. We are in a consistent blinding circle of imprisonment. As a person who has a relationship with Christ we feel we need to do our part. We get up in the morning and think, I am going to be such a good person today. Shackled.
  We have set ourselves up for failure. Failure is a learning experience. It can teach us so many things. Consistent failure can lead to discouragement. We treat our relationship with Christ as if it is a worldly one. As if  He gives 50 and you give 50. It takes two to make it work. However, Christ expects and wants to do it all. He wants to be the good that you can't be. He wants for you above all to realize this. In this world we will never fully understand this. We will always think that in someway, we are super productive at being good. It is our own version of good that we are good at. We even look at other people and say they are not my version of good. They sin more than me. Shackled.
   It is very hard for us to look at somebody and not sit in judgement. We look at their life with distastefulness. We don't see our own sin in that moment only those of the other person. We would all go to the Judgement unqualified to enter in the presence of God. We can judge a person by their sin. However, if God does not see Christ we all are unqualified. We should remember that we are made in the image of God. As God has meant for us to have a certain relationship with Christ, it was meant to be personal. It was meant to be singular. When Christ died, it was individual relationships that he was saving. We must commit to that individuality. When we judge it should be unto our own heart and not that of another.
  Just as a son or a daughter has an individual relationship with their parents so does the Church with Christ. We convene as a family. We worship and hold praise together. Just as a son or daughter that is separated from a family alone they become lost. It is important to realize we not only have a relationship with Christ but those who have a relationship with him. They are as family. It should be a priority to uphold and grow this family. This is of course is His work in us that it happens. We must not shackle ourselves to the idea that we do it.
  We hold on to chains with an iron hand grasp. We want control. We need to be the master. Meanwhile, this world will rip us to shreds. My advice to anybody is let go. I learned when dealing with a migraine that was long past time to be gone, I had no control. I still don't. My body does what it wants. Sometimes I wake up it is just a little pain. Sometimes I wake up and wished I hadn't woken up. All with a prayer: Lord, bring me through this day. He has not failed me. I relinquish the control to Him. I stop thinking about the pain. I start thinking about the tasks that lay ahead. When I don't do this I am thinking about how painful tasks will be and it gets harder to do them. When I try and control it is 100% failure. I just stopped doing it. I stopped worrying too. I try and do what I can do. If it isn't done I don't worry about it. I don't worry of another person's ill opinion of me. I don't get offended either. If one honestly accesses me as being prideful and argumentative, I would agree. I am. No reason to get offended. I am easily frustrated too. It is easy to point out others faults but I should just as easily come up with a list for myself. If I can't I am shackled to the belief that it is another persons problem. If I am having a problem in a relationship the blame should fall on me. How else would I fix it? This brings me right back to letting go. Let go of control in your life. It will do you good. The chains that bind only serve you here. Eternity waits unchained by time that has shackled us in this world.

Unshackled

  I have been absent for quite some time. I have tried several times to collect muddled thoughts and write them down. Here I am today with half my body screaming at me, I have clarity.
  I have a reason to seek the comfort and Grace of God. Even in the land of plenty. I have been imprisoned by pain. I have no desire to seek comfort in this world. It holds me prisoner. My muddled thoughts have been this: Why are we so disconnected?
  This country has real work to be done. Most of us cannot see the prison that surrounds us. We can't seek God because we don't see we need a key. God is always the key. Jesus is the key keeper. The Spirit allows you the sight to see the bars and the need for a key.
  I realize here that so many things can blind us. We think having a better government in place will help. We think a change is jobs and better wage will bring prosperity. We think art will inspire passion. We think eating better will bring health and thus happiness. Better relationships will happen through therapy. Meanwhile the anti-depressants are flying off the shelves. If we are not buying traditional medicine we seek supplements to feel better. If these things don't work it is somebody else. Somebody else is suppressing your happiness. I'm shackled because of this group, person and/or politician.
  The Grace of pain or suffering is that it is internal. You realize your own heart is holding you hostage. It masks the truth that is God. The love and freedom that only He can give. Comfort is no where to be found in this world. I can soothe it slightly but it is there. I could alter my lifestyle but it is still there. I chose to find comfort that I hold the key. I refuse to be held prisoner. My physical body might be in pain. My mind is fixed in heaven. I am free. Unshackled.
  My beloved seek the key.  Seek to free yourselves from the internal prison. This world only wants to see you shackled. When you reach for the key you will free your mind.

Saving our community

I am writing this post because I feel much like a father not too long ago that I need to stand up for my daughters and other like them. They have disabilities. I know a lot of families that deal with disabilities. What I mean by deal, I mean are blessed to have people in our lives that struggle in certain areas. What they don't struggle in is quality of life. The people I have met that have disabilities across the spectrum are happy and content with what life has given them. However, we as a country are at a cross roads. It is important for my community to pick the right road.

The United States is electing a president. This isn't a huge issue, what can a president do in a four year period? However, this year they will have the opportunity to elect maybe 2-3 Supreme Court members. This can bring a lot of change to this country. One of the things that has been brought up is 3rd term abortion. It has nothing to do with Mothers' and everything to do with the baby. Most of the time it is due to a baby that has a disability. They have determined before giving the child a chance that their life will not be worth it. Imagine someone coming up to you and saying your life is worth nothing. That is essentially what they are doing. In the meantime people like Stephen Hawking has been essential to science. What if they determined that his life was worth nothing? We will get to the point where we will see defects in DNA prior to birth which my example had and decide to forego the pregnancy. We will deprive the world of some of the greatest people. It will be destruction of society of epic proportions. This will happen if a Supreme Court bent towards "social issues" is elected. This election is vital for those who value life.

I am pro life in every sense of the word. So when I look at the options for this election you really just have two now. If I am absolute on my pro life stance I need to make sure the Supreme Court is constitutional in every sense. If I believe in religious freedom, I have to vote for the right person to administer that. I may not personally like the candidate. I don't have to like them. They need to lead the country not be my friend. Who is better to do that out of the choices that have a chance? Who is going to stand policy wise with me? I have to look at policy and supreme court.

We are all in the same boat. God doesn't say " Hey you over there you are less of a sinner so you don't need Jesus. Come on in." No he doesn't do that. He requires all of us to repent and come. It is prideful to look at someones sinfulness and say "Oh no can't deal with that." When God dealt with the most egregious of sinners. He made leaders out of them. Ultimately we must look past a man's faults and look at intent. We must decide what future we are willing to let our children and grandchildren have. If a non-constitutional Supreme Court is elected can I live with that? I am voting my conscience by voting for the candidate that is going to put pro-life, religious freedom and protect the 1A and 2A. I have to do that for my children. That is why I am voting for Trump and Pence.

I really don't care about their past. I care about the policy that they what to put in place. I care about pro-life and not sorry for it. I also care that they want to have peace and work with our allies. In the UK they are planning on getting rid of Down Syndrome in 2020. Can you imagine the joy that would be robbed? I can't. We are going towards that at rocket speed. I in good conscience say NO.

Disowning the Gospel

   I think by now everyone is sick of this political season. They pretty much wish it was over. We get so wrapped up in it. I really pray for people that get really angry during this time. I have already made up my mind on who I am voting for. I think everyone already knows who I am voting for. The only thing that upsets me this season is the tearing away of the gospel message by those whom Christ has saved. Now we are not on purpose don't get me wrong. We are doing it however. It must stop. If you haven't figured out this is for my christian family. So no sense in reading further if you are not a christian.
   I want to talk about our "moral high ground" and "unforgivable" and "my conscience" . These sort of things are dangerous. First I don't know what moral high ground we as Christians have, I really don't. I came to Christ knowing how desperately weak and morally corrupt I was. I am still morally corrupt. Christ does HIS work in me. I don't work. To say someone is more corrupt than I is the height of hypocrisy. So I can't say that. The Gospel clearly states this. It says "Not one is good, not even one." So to be shocked that someone is flawed is a complete misunderstanding of the Gospel.
  Unforgivable should not even be as Christians in our vocabulary. We do not decide that. Christ does. We spread the Gospel. Christ decides who is forgiven. He has forgiven David, Paul, and Peter. David looked out a window picked a woman had her brought to him. Seduced her and impregnated her. Had her husband killed so he could marry her. Unforgivable? No. God forgave him and David was the line to Jesus because it isn't David it is God. Imagine if David knowing his transgressions would you vote for him? The answer is clearly no. Yet God placed him on the throne. Paul murdered Christians. A murderer. Unforgivable? God says no. God used him to spread the Gospel. Would we? Probably not. Peter denied knowing. Denied his Godship. Not once, not twice but three times. Unforgivable? No God placed him in charge of his church. God had lifted up many flawed, criminal men. Why? He has a plan. He knows the heart. He should judge.
   This brings me to conscience. Where does our conscience get us? Well when Moses went up on the mountain a golden calf. That was smart idea. Also prior to that the people decided that God was not good enough and they should have a king. So God allowed for a king. There were many bad kings. This was a good decision based on the peoples' conscience. Also we know from the story of David what God looked in a king versus the people. It was completely opposite. So to think that we have the audacity to pick a leader based on our moral compass is absurd.
   This country needs a leader. We have to decide. If as Christians we say I can't in good conscience vote this way or that,  we essentially say that David, Paul and a lot of leaders chosen by God was a mistake. Think about that. How we should approach an election is look at the laws that will be put in place. If you agree then vote for that. If you agree with the other vote for that. As a Christian voting morally especially now makes absolutely no sense. We need to look at law and what is correct. Otherwise we would disown the Gospel. That is just my prospective.

When the new wears off

Most of us like nice new shiny things. We wonder what we did before the shiny came along. After a while it loses its shine. It no longer holds our attention the way it did. When a person has transition issues when the new wears off, bad behavior begins. We moved recently. It was a wonderful thing. Going from a two bedroom apartment to a three bedroom house. It still is. We are extremely blessed in it. However, we are now starting to see behavioral issues.

It is a combination of things that cause this. We moved,  had a wonderful summer. School starts for my youngest. My youngest loves school. It is a change. Usually not a huge deal. My oldest is confused why we have school at all in this new house. She thought we left all that behind along with the cramped space. She loves just roaming the house and going out into the yard as she pleases. However, We have work to do. She isn't very good at communicating her distaste in this matter. We start having bad behavior. Behavior we haven't seen in a few years. This leaves a person frustrated. Also any special needs mother knows you see a behavior creep back up, you start having anxiety. You know there is a battle to face.

My youngest loves school. It doesn't mean she would love to be told what to do. She would love to be in a seat. She would love to go to gym when she wants to go to the library. She has a schedule in mind. It is not the actual schedule. She had a good first couple of weeks. I refer to this as the "honeymoon". It is well over. When somebody is potty trained then isn't it, frustrating. Someone is sleeping fine in their own bed now isn't, frustrating. Leah is a little more aggressive in her method of showing distaste. She prefers to be very loud and angry. We got down to about 30 minutes to eat now it is well over an hour. It can be almost two hours.

We are having so many issues during the day I can't list them all. We had an established way of dealing with things. When you change environments you might have to change what you do. Sharon is use to me being this way at the old place. She wants a different routine since she is at a different place. We also had therapist changes which makes things worse for us. She is trying to generalize here but it is very difficult. Leah is just trying to gain control. She has a different school schedule than before. She remembers the schedule. It is not the same. Nothing she can do about it. She is trying to control something. This is why she is behaving the way she is.

I am writing these things down for one reason. If I can help another mother understand why her child is going bonkers, I need to write it. Sometimes we don't think of these things that don't really effect us. Transitions effect our children. When they have one more transition than they can handle it can lead to bad behavior. We even block out the last time we went though some stuff don't we? I go to Walgreens all the time. My children are horrible in Walgreens and I say never again. Then I go back a week later. We now have to make the new into something that is old, comfortable and easy. I am still trying to figure that out.

Happiness: Notes of a special needs parent

We have recently encounter a storm of medical issues with my youngest daughter, Leah. She is not
unfamiliar with these storms. We have been dealing with them since she has been 3. Constantly dealing with low blood sugar, ketones and vomiting. She is a very picky eater due to her behavioral issues. As a parent you have to be extra creative on how you keep her healthy. In our effort of trying to find out the vomiting episodes which come fast and furious, we had another one.
 

We had some testing done which required her to fast. Her body does not do well with fasting. After the episode started, she began vomiting without break that evening. We eventually ended up in the ER. We always do. We were given IV fluids and sent home. She was able to rest for an hour. It started again. We ended up back in the ER. We gingerly fed her fluid with an extreme amount of anti-nausea medicine. I was sitting there with my two special needs children. One who might not be independent. One who is medically unstable. She said I have my hands full. I told her the truth. I would rather have my hands full than empty. This is the cold hard truth. I would rather have the challenges that I face everyday than not be needed by anybody. I would rather this be my reality, than to have such complacency to complain about a latte.

I want to stop you from feeling sorry for me. You should never feel sorry for someone who is so obviously happy in their life situation. I am blessed in so many ways. I have a wonderful husband, who is a great partner.  I am blessed with two amazing daughters that give me more purpose than I could ever come up with myself. I am blessed to be able to wake up knowing that I need to climb and achieve. We get stuck in these ruts for one reason: no challenge. I do not have that problem. I am going to be frank with you: I don't want it. God allows the struggles in our lives for the betterment of ourselves. Are we willing to take that Grace? Are we willing to look at a struggle as an opportunity? I don't want the struggle. No body wants the struggle. However, it is yours. Are we willing to get everything out of it? There can be so much growth in it if you allow it to happen. If you wallow in self pity that will not happen. Start climbing towards what God wants for you in that struggle. First of all, He wants you closer to Him. He is constantly calling on you to come closer. Secondly, He is waiting for you to let go. He is waiting for you to let Him do the work. This is the hardest thing. You want to fight against the struggle that is presented to you. Let Him do the work. He is so much better at it. 

It is a choice to be happy. It isn't a circumstance that you find yourself in. I am so much more healthier now even with all my chronic pain because I am emotionally healthy. You can get through the worst things if you have emotional health. If you have a purpose and hope in that purpose. Keeping physically healthy is always needed, however, surviving requires hope and faith. My grandmother was diagnosed with bone cancer when I was about 14ish. The Drs gave her less than 6mnths to live. Cancer treatment wasn't great then. It was a big problem. However, my grandmother had hope. She survived for a year and a half. It baffled the doctors that she survived so long with such an aggressive cancer.

We got past this recent storm. I am sitting here at this desk writing out of thankfulness, not bitterness. You see I understand that joy is precious and fleeting. I understand that it is not something that comes to us naturally. We are Graced with it. I am joyous in the calm. I want to stay in it. I know that it might not last. I will take it all in. I have a special prospective and I am happy about that. I understand life isn't automatically easy. It is hard, rough and full of struggle. I am not going to allow it to take my happiness. I am not going to allow it to hammer me or my children down. When Christ died on that cross. He lifted a burden. He gives you something if you are willing to take it. The world might have a hammer but Christ gave you the sledge.    

We the People are ALL

   We are Americans. We are mothers, fathers, bothers, sisters, children, aunts, uncles, grandmas, and grandfathers. We need to STOP this is my group over here and I am going to that group. I hate your group. STOP IT. We should not have a group. Perfectly fine to have disagreements. That is great. People can disagree and have a discussion. However, we have grouped up based on ideology, color, religion, and citizenship status. We are frankly almost back in the 50-60s. We want to have separate spaces. Why, why why?
   You can't have equality if you want to put down someone to lift another it doesn't work. It doesn't work to not hold someone to the same standards. We need to do a research study about how we interact with police. Are certain demographics just interacting better? Who has better interactions with police? If 9/10 times you have a problem with a group of people you are going to develop a standard there. If we have a problem there let us research it and fix it. Don't just say racism and then start killing people. Than guess what? The people that you have targeted get a tad jumpy. They see you flailing around your arms get a little trigger sensitive. You have a person who is clearly not listening to you. Moving around. You are getting scared and you have something to defend yourself what do you think is going to happen? What needs to happen is two things. One people need to get the point and I don't care WHAT you look like: You get pulled over or detained by a police officer listen and do what they ask. What if they ask you to do something illegal or are bad? You have a phone instead of a camera call 911 and get another officer involved. Simple. It is a button action the same as a camera. Two, officers are jumpy because people are actually calling for them to be murdered. They see that too! They need to be counseled and vetted before returning to duty that is it. Also every police officer needs to be protected with a camera. If a citizen gets a video out then the police department can do the same thing except unedited. This will also cause you to find the officers that need to be weeded out. There are bad cops, because they are in fact people and it happens. We need to understand that they are human too. This is something that needs to be fix.
   We love to blow up a small problem. Police brutality is a small problem in retrospect to other issues in this country. It is due to blowing this problem up, inner cities are on fire. We don't see that in Chicago in 15 hour time 2 people an hour died. That is awful. Police have scaled way back in the city. They are being targeted one, and two people are not calling them. They think that criminals are safer than the police. I have spoken of this quite a bit. I mean the rate of death in that city beats out soldiers in the Middle East. We got a huge problem that really should be blown up on the news everyday. Unfortunately, these things don't get the demographic market angry so why cover it. The media puts it down at the bottom in really small print.
   The last few years we have been saying this group over here needs our attention or that group is under privileged so lets try and lift them up. In order to do that we have decided to tell other people they are over privileged. That is simply not true in this country. I can think of all the groups that you can imagine and find rich, poor, happy, sad, sick and healthy. Every single group has all of it in it. If one group was missing happiness or money perhaps then you can say they were under privileged. However, you turn on the TV and see every type of person represented except one: disabled people. I am not going to get into that but that is a fact. Here is the thing, if you are an American you are in fact privileged. It doesn't matter what you look like. You have been given privilege above any other country. You have been given opportunity to get out of any situation that you are in. I can certainly back this up with examples but this would be even longer. If you desire to. If you have the mind set to. If you have been told that you can't because of the state in which you were born, (I'm sorry, not sorry) you've been lied to. I hate the word "can't", so completely unproductive. Say not now but some day but set that time. Nobody is keeping you down except for yourself. Be stronger than the negativity that surrounds you. Find positive things to uplift you. You are the only one that can produce happiness in yourself. Nobody else is going to provide that. I will tell you this in my personal experience, I rely heavily on the belief that God is bigger than all of the things that weight down my life.
   Again it is so very important that we start using the word American or human for heaven sakes to tie yourself to other humans. That is all we are. We may look differently but when you strip us down, guess what? All the same genetic materials are used to make you and I. So let us stop saying Left, Right, Black, White, Latino, Asian, Christian, Muslim, Gay, Straight, Trans Etc just human and American. I am just an American. I am tired of seeing other Americans killed. Praying for my other humans.

Assumption of Character

  When it comes to ADHD there is a lot of stigma that goes with it. A fair amount of time these kiddos have more than one diagnosis. However,  when you mention ADHD it gets dismissed. As if you are excusing bad behavior. Normally a child that behaves badly can be redirected with consequences. This does not work on a lot of ADHD children. They can't make the connection of two different sequences. I can only speak of my child. Who has ADHD among her other diagnosis.
    We look at Leah moving very fast. Almost too fast for her to do a task properly. She has trouble slowing down to do things. It is hard for her to learn things. She can't slow down to process them. When she has it she takes off with it. It is the same when she is speaking. The things that come out of her mouth are amazing. It is all her thought process just verbalized. She does not slow down to think what she should say. She might look at the the iPad and say "Give me the iPad". It is instant. No thought to ask for it properly just out with a desired command. It isn't that she is trying to be rude. She just is unable to slow down to properly communicate. We will give her a nonverbal cue. She will correct herself. "Can I have the iPad please"
   This is in the home environment of course. When you get to a store things get a little different. She can see lots of things that she desires. She may be in a whirlwind of desire by the time she sees something she MUST have. It isn't that she specifically wants that item. However, she has now put all the emotion for seeing all the toys onto that object. It is a hyper focused energized desire. It doesn't always happen. When it does she will trade all her toys for the one at the store. You try and redirect her and she is running back at the object. She is growling. She is upset. She is completely focused on that object. She doesn't care about the people around her. She doesn't care about what I am saying. She wants the thing. You either fight the battle at the expense of the people around you also her safety might be in question. I had an object that was less than six dollars, Sharon was with me. It was not worth the fight. If I were alone with Leah, I would probably not have purchased it. Does she remember this episode? The answer is no. The only thing she will remember is what store I bought it at.
    Another thing that we can't do as parents is stickers for earning or delayed gratifications. It is a concept that Leah just does not understand. It is not in the now it is not worth her time. She gets quite stressed out about even mentioning the fact that she does not have the reward yet. You try and explain the process and she focuses on the reward that is not in her hands. Her poor empty hands. You can say "Next week we are going to a play" and she has processed it as "We are going to a play right this minute, get your shoes on." She has always been that way.  I have gotten to the point where if we are going to go somewhere I just mention it right before. If we go to someones house I tell her right before. She is anxious about going. She even plays out what will happen when she gets there. If I tell her too early, she has exhausted herself.
   Leah has a beautiful personality. She is very affectionate. She can light up a room in an instant. She can also be disruptive. She can get violent. She can get very emotional. This goes with the territory. She has mental illness along with ADHD which is a behavioral disorder. She does feel guilty for the things she does. It is my job as a parent to help her understand how to work through these things. Also teaching her that Grace has been given to me so shall it be given to her.

Answers that Lead to Questions.

 I have been quite busy you see. I have had a friend in the hospital. Praise the Lord, home safely recovering. I wanted her even in the mist of my busy life that I wanted to be there for her. When I recovered from surgery locked in conversation rather than thoughts of recovery was better. I feel it is better to be busy than to have to think about the hard things. I have no time of late to ponder such things. However, I had some testing done for Leah. We really needed to get a more concrete diagnosis. We got one.
 
  Leah has several diagnosed issues. We knew she had ADHD. We knew she had SPD. We knew that her emotions controlled her behavior. We knew that she had a hard time processing information in a normal matter. All of these things were confirmed today. She was diagnosed with a mood disorder. She was also diagnosed with a nonverbal learning disability. Why is it important to have your child subjected to these things? I can tell that Leah had issues. I couldn't put a name on it. Have you ever tried finding a book with a sentence you read out of it? It doesn't work. I actually tried. This was what it was trying to figure out Leah. I had no idea what direction to go. I needed somebody to tell me this is the next flag on the course so to speak. It was helpful to be able to do that. We know where this will go if we do not get her help.

  Imagine that you wake up in the morning and you are tired. You do not want anything to do with anybody. What do normal people do? They try to get a little more awake to deal with the day right? Leah will not want to be bothered. She will be very cranky that she has to endure your very existence. It is our internal feelings played out by one small 6 year old. You go about your day and something irritates you. You get a little upset but you move on. Leah will throw a globe off the table. Even though that is something we might picture in our minds we don't do it. Anything that Leah feels she does. Ever wanted to mention to somebody some embarrassing thing? Leah has already done it for you. When she notices something out it comes. It sometimes can be cute, sometimes you want to run.
  
   The therapist said that we should avoid stress. It would be the same as if she had just seen Hulk. This little lady has a Hulk size anger. It is not that she is overly angry. The anger controls her versus she controls the anger. That can lead to a lot of things. A lot of things can make a 6 year old angry. When she hears no. When she can't watch TV.  When she has to something she does not want to do. This is a very difficult emotion even for someone who can control it. We are very blessed with a small child with a huge emotional battle. We for now can help her with her body.

  I have said some very challenging things about Leah. We have challenges we have to face. Leah since the day she was born was the most beautiful person I met. My other child Sharon I have learned the most from her. Sharon is the sweetest. Leah is beauty that makes you laugh, smile, cry sometimes and even hurt. She is so beautiful that I will fight for her to be the best that she can be. I pray for those that don't know her, get to know her. She is worth the uncomfortable feeling that maybe you might feel. Just to see her smile really.

Finding a Habitat loving Humanity

   When we have struggles, God finds beautiful ways to bless us. I have mentioned in several of my posts I don't see a day without pain. I have had several knee surgeries. I get migraines. I have hypothyroid disease. The lovely RA on top of all of that. We can go on about my medical issues. However, this is also about our family. Sharon and Leah both have needs. They both have trouble doing stuff on a daily basis. My husband on top of having to take care of us also gets migraines. We have a lot of things on our plate. The doctor appointments, therapy appointments and the cost of doing all of that. It has not been a picnic. I eventually had to stop working to support the needs of our children. We had hopes to get a place to live, a house. Those hopes seemed diminished with every passing day. It wasn't until I happened to talk to a care worker at YMCA. She was working with a young lady with Autism. She gave me several phone numbers to find help with things. I rarely pass up good advice. I went home and started calling those numbers. One of those numbers was for Habitat for Humanity.
    I had a very small understanding of what they did. I knew they build houses for people who needed them. That was my understanding. I started to get involved by going to a meeting. There was an application process. As a mother with two special needs children this process was painless. We were approved. A lot of people would be jumping up and down with joy. My initial thought was how was this going to get screwed up. I know that I can't just look desperately for a house for years just to walk into such a perfect situation. My husband and I also had that fear of getting under water. We had been there before. We had a condo when all the bad mortgages were being handed out. At the time I was let go from a job. Then ended up having a major knee surgery. That was followed up by a pregnancy. This was all in the condo. I had to have my other knee done. Same major knee surgery. You guessed it followed by a pregnancy. Our medical bills were not manageable. I was only working part time. The condo was severely upside down. We got financial advice from Green Peace. We were very careful about taking the next step, However, that next step was foreclosure. At that time everything was in foreclosure. Our condo was not selling even with enlisted help. We ended up having to file bankruptcy. We were not going to go through that process again. Habitat is a program in which you pay a mortgage, taxes, and insurance. It is with 0% interest and it is tailored to ones income. Still with this fear was our emotion. It was with patience that Habitat slowly showed us what they were going to do to help. It wasn't just the house that was right where we wanted it. It was the education that they provide to every single one of their homeowners. They provide financial guidance all the way down to lawn care. It was this that fear started turning into excitement. Excitement started turning into hope. Hope started turning into planning. It was this that you would think was the beautiful part. It isn't the best part of Habitat. It is showing every homeowner that without a community we are lost.
     In the process of getting a home Habitat requires you to take classes and put in volunteer hours. These volunteer hours are usually to build your own house! Habitat has you get involved in building the very house that you are going to be living in. When you move in not only are you going to be confident in yourself, you know that house. You have build those walls. You know where things are at. There are a few Habitat employees that work on the houses, most are volunteers. You are working together to help somebody have a home. Somebody because of you is going to be able to have some stability that they didn't have before. It is something that is pretty awesome. In the process of this usually you will be working with your neighbor. You will be working with people already in the community. It is teaching each homeowner how to love their neighbor. As homeowners we first start the program thinking I can't wait for me for the things I do. That it becomes about the other people in the program. You hear their stories and you wake up thinking I am going to work on so and so's house today. It becomes extra special.
     Habitat is not just about putting nails in wood together until eventually it becomes a house. It is the initial invitation to provide that. Habitat is about loving Humanity. Loving them enough to show them how to love too. It is truly by God's grace that we were accepted into the program. It is an honor to do things for Habitat to work towards our house. I am humbled by their service to the community. I hope to serve them with every opportunity they give me.

Idolatry,bio-medicine and Autism

    This post is for my Christian friends. I am approaching this subject from that mind set. I have had a heavy weight on my heart. I am noticing a very scary trend when it comes to how we want to be healthy. I am going to first say that I am all for finding the best possible way to be as healthy as you can be. I have had 8 knee surgeries just so I can walk more comfortably. I also take a supplement that I will give away gold nuggets for: Butterbur. That supplement has helped me with my migraines to the point where I rarely get them. I still have them but they are greatly reduced. Sometimes we get to the point where we think that if we live a certain way or do certain things we can avoid stuff that really is not avoidable.
    I want to address Autism. It has many, many symptoms the list is long. It is a diagnosis that is done with a series of psychological that changes on a yearly basis. What I mean by this is someone who might have been on the edge of a Autism diagnosis last year might not get one this year. Vice Versa. It is not a very clear precise method. A lot of the time it takes a lot of doctors and years to get a diagnosis right. It is a neurological disorder. It is something that effects the brain. It is most likely a genetic disorder. In most cases a genetic defect is found in these cases. In fact I highly recommend if you have a diagnosis of autism in the family to get that done. Can we help Autism with medicine, better diet and therapy? Can these children be highly functional with these things? The answer is yes. Can we cure them? NO. It is so easy to go down that wormhole. My child like many other autistic children can make drastic gains in certain periods. I believe this is how her brain is growing. It grows new pathways it is able to start communicating better. We work hard everyday for her to be the best she can be. It does me no good to think I can cure her. I know because I was a teenager looking for a cure once.
    I so desperately wanted to find a cure for my migraines. I wanted them to just stop. I did all the diet changes. I tried the supplements at the time. I went to chiropractors. I went to anybody that thought they could tackle my migraines. This was when I was a teenager. My mother thought she could find something that would stop them. All of this just made me miserable. All I could think about was:migraines, migraines, migraines. It was enough to give you a headache. It wasn't until I made my peace with the fact that the world is full of sin. The world is a toxic place. There is nothing I could do about it. My heart was empty in need. When I stopped searching for a cure and started trusting Christ I was at peace. I am at peace with the fact that I have chronic pain. I do live a healthy lifestyle. I am just not going to obsess with it. I know I am not going to rid this world of sin. So I will struggle in this world because that is what sin causes. Thinking that I can cure that is pure idolatry.
   Is it healthy for me to be desperate to find a cure so I can change my daughter? Is it healthy for her to see that? No. She is going to grow up thinking she is less. Less than I am. I refuse to let that happen. She is what God wants us to see. A person who is weak, needing that He can do His most with. Is there anybody that God uses that is not a weak vessel? The answer is no. We are all weak. We can get ourselves wrapped up in how much healthier we can be if we do this and that. That is wonderful. I think taking care of ones body is great. As long as we are looking to Christ to cure us. As long as He is your medicine for all your weaknesses. Otherwise we have lost our way and need to find the Only Way.