Invisible Forgiveness

    We all do things that need to be forgiven. If you think you haven't than you are heavily lying to yourself. It is the case with those with invisible disabilities. Those who deal with mental illness. We all say things that we wish we can take back. Once they are said they hurt. They don't go back in your head. Most of us have this filter. We think before we speak. Did you know when you are angry that filter is very much damaged? The energy that is used to keep that filter in place is used to help us fight off some bear or something? It is true. It is a natural bodily reaction. Everyone has it. You ever get angry and just spout off stuff and wonder why you even said that? That is why. Your brain basically turns off. This is why forgiveness is so important. One statement that someone said should be forgiven. Even two quite possibly more than that. If that person is dealing with a mental illness you need to have the patience to forgive anything that comes out. That is very difficult. Once somebody apologizes it should also be forgotten. It is the only way to live with someone that has a mental illness. They can't live with the guilt and in the same sense hating someone for their illness is unproductive.
      Unfortunately, we live in a time where offensive statements are the sole reason to lash out on somebody. I see it time and again. I worry about what that does to my daughters' future. She does not have a filter. She speaks unfiltered. If she thinks it, it is out of her mouth. At times it is amusing but other times it can be harsh even for an 8 year old. I know her diagnosis. To other people it is invisible. You can't see it. You can't see her struggle on a daily basis. All you know is that she is being this spoiled brat. That is our problem these days. We don't take the time to understand what someone is going through before making the judgement. We are already have an assessment set up based on a second glance.
    I worked retail. It was harsh to say the least. It was automotive. People don't want to buy things for their cars. They just don't, the least of which to fix them. They would come in already angry. I got that. I understood that. It took me a long time to get that. I would get angry right back at them when I was younger. Then I thought about what if I was in their shoes? What if something broke that I really was pretty unfamiliar with. What if I had to go out and spent a bunch a money on that? I would be in a mood for sure. I stopped being offended every time they would come in angry. I would try and help them see things a little better. My goal was to get them to smile before they left. I was good at that. I didn't mind getting yelled at sometimes. Changing my prospective on that made me love my job instead of hating it.
    People think differently. It is very important to be tolerant of that. We all want to be open minded but are you open minded on how people process things differently? They have different values than you? They might be more conservative. They might be more liberal. They might be more religious. I know for a fact that where ever you are at you can find something in common with another human. I do it all the time. I love it. I might just have one thing that I can cling too with someone to connect with but I don't care.  People with mental illnesses have a different way of processing information. Along with those with Autism. Some one who is typical might process something in seconds. It might take a full hour for an Autistic or someone that has a mental illness might not be able to do it at all. It all depends on the situation. So the next time you are upset about the way someone thinks it really isn't their choice. It is how their brain is wired. It is the set of circumstances that they live in. Find out what is going on in their brain. The human brain is the most interesting thing on this planet. Every single one is different too! Ask questions and communicate.

Mentally Broken: A story of strength

           In order to know this story you must go to your own memory bank. You need to think of specific times in your life that you were extremely emotional. A time when you were scared, angry, loved, happy, excited, anxious, exhausted and frustrated. I was playing this over in my head thinking of what I felt like all of those times. I will give you some examples. It can be hard to pull stuff out of your head.
            Scared: ever have a time when your life literally flashed in front of your eyes? You realized that had it gone a different way you would have been gone? What if happened to a family member the thought of a person being gone? Scary. What did it feel like in that moment? Heart racing, out of control and over powering? Angry: ever just get completely fed up maybe it took a total bad day or perhaps a week? Next thing you know you are in rage flinging stuff. Your mind completely blank from thought of control. Loved: You remember when you first lay eyes on someone that you love? Someone you haven't seen in a long time? That first sight of that face. The first burst of emotion that comes in your head. The relief, joy, memories and never wanting to forget, love. Happy: It is easy to think of happy as something small. I'm talking huge happy. When you have a wedding. You accomplish a goal that you worked so hard for. The feeling of overwhelming joy that makes you want to just dance around. Excited: We all get excited over little things maybe through out the day. Again think about a time when that excitement was so overwhelming that it made your skin crawl.A big night that you know is going to be really fun. A get together. A trip just inches away that you have been looking forward to. It is just within reach now. Anxious: A lot of people get anxious when they have to do something like speak in front of a huge crowd. Remember shaking with nerves and nothing is calming them. Having to deal with someone you know is going to yell and scream. Telling someone bad news. Exhausted: I can so relate to this. Having to stay up all night and knowing full well you have a complete wreck of a day the next. Knowing it is full throttle and after it is all done, so are you. Frustrated: You ever look at a problem from the side, front, back and still can't figure it out. You go mindless with rage over it because all you want to do is solve it. One more and this one is very important because it can be most taxing. Guilt: You ever treat someone so badly that years later it still bothers you? Even though you asked forgiveness and it was given? You ever do something that you are completely ashamed of that it still eats at you? I want you to take this all in. It might take a while to go through memories. I took this journey in mind because I had too. While I had all those things in my head it was emotionally draining.  After you have done that continue reading.....
 

                             Why did I do that? Why would I put all those memories in my head at once? I had to feel what my daughter feels. My daughter has a mental illness. Where she goes through emotions like a tidal wave. Every single emotion to the extreme not one but all on a daily basis. Can you imagine that? Can you think about grieving, excited, happy, angry, frustrated to the extreme all within 2 hours? The physical toll that would do to you? How tired would you be if that happened to you? Would you even want to face a day of that? My daughter wakes up to that everyday. She has to go through the day facing a mountain of emotions and function. What surprises me is that even though days are hard, we get through them. We take them head on. My daughter is strong. She is the strongest person I know. I can't even imagine doing that. I would crumple in a heap with one day of that. It is everyday for her. She is only 8.
                    For those who deal with mental illness, I sincerely admire you. You might not be able to get everything done that I do. You wake up and get through the day. That is hard. I know it is. I see it everyday. You are strong. Know that when you get dressed someone is out there cheering. You eat and do everyday normal things somebody is cheering for you. When you go way above your comfort zone somebody is extremely proud of you. You will be in mind and my prayers.