In order to know this story you must go to your own memory bank. You need to think of specific times in your life that you were extremely emotional. A time when you were scared, angry, loved, happy, excited, anxious, exhausted and frustrated. I was playing this over in my head thinking of what I felt like all of those times. I will give you some examples. It can be hard to pull stuff out of your head.
Scared: ever have a time when your life literally flashed in front of your eyes? You realized that had it gone a different way you would have been gone? What if happened to a family member the thought of a person being gone? Scary. What did it feel like in that moment? Heart racing, out of control and over powering? Angry: ever just get completely fed up maybe it took a total bad day or perhaps a week? Next thing you know you are in rage flinging stuff. Your mind completely blank from thought of control. Loved: You remember when you first lay eyes on someone that you love? Someone you haven't seen in a long time? That first sight of that face. The first burst of emotion that comes in your head. The relief, joy, memories and never wanting to forget, love. Happy: It is easy to think of happy as something small. I'm talking huge happy. When you have a wedding. You accomplish a goal that you worked so hard for. The feeling of overwhelming joy that makes you want to just dance around. Excited: We all get excited over little things maybe through out the day. Again think about a time when that excitement was so overwhelming that it made your skin crawl.A big night that you know is going to be really fun. A get together. A trip just inches away that you have been looking forward to. It is just within reach now. Anxious: A lot of people get anxious when they have to do something like speak in front of a huge crowd. Remember shaking with nerves and nothing is calming them. Having to deal with someone you know is going to yell and scream. Telling someone bad news. Exhausted: I can so relate to this. Having to stay up all night and knowing full well you have a complete wreck of a day the next. Knowing it is full throttle and after it is all done, so are you. Frustrated: You ever look at a problem from the side, front, back and still can't figure it out. You go mindless with rage over it because all you want to do is solve it. One more and this one is very important because it can be most taxing. Guilt: You ever treat someone so badly that years later it still bothers you? Even though you asked forgiveness and it was given? You ever do something that you are completely ashamed of that it still eats at you? I want you to take this all in. It might take a while to go through memories. I took this journey in mind because I had too. While I had all those things in my head it was emotionally draining. After you have done that continue reading.....
Why did I do that? Why would I put all those memories in my head at once? I had to feel what my daughter feels. My daughter has a mental illness. Where she goes through emotions like a tidal wave. Every single emotion to the extreme not one but all on a daily basis. Can you imagine that? Can you think about grieving, excited, happy, angry, frustrated to the extreme all within 2 hours? The physical toll that would do to you? How tired would you be if that happened to you? Would you even want to face a day of that? My daughter wakes up to that everyday. She has to go through the day facing a mountain of emotions and function. What surprises me is that even though days are hard, we get through them. We take them head on. My daughter is strong. She is the strongest person I know. I can't even imagine doing that. I would crumple in a heap with one day of that. It is everyday for her. She is only 8.
For those who deal with mental illness, I sincerely admire you. You might not be able to get everything done that I do. You wake up and get through the day. That is hard. I know it is. I see it everyday. You are strong. Know that when you get dressed someone is out there cheering. You eat and do everyday normal things somebody is cheering for you. When you go way above your comfort zone somebody is extremely proud of you. You will be in mind and my prayers.
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