I am writing this to myself as much as to other persons who might know other special needs families. I do have special needs children. I have first hand experience as to what support that is probably necessary. However, this is my list to help other families. This is not in any way a desire for myself as a disclaimer. This would be in my head as to how certain entities should go about helping their special needs families.
Church:
I have done a lot of research in my area on the support of special needs families in a church family. The fact is simple they are not getting it. That is why 90% of families with special needs individuals do not attend church. The church does not invest in the family in the way it should. They have so many therapies, doctors and respite workers perhaps that are taking much better care of them. This is a failure on the Churches part because they should be the main care takers of these families. It is the main call of the church to take on the weak, lame and widowed. Yet most do not bother to help these families.
How can a church serve a special needs family? Well make sure they are comfortable on Sunday. That would be based on the needs of the family. The church really needs to figure out how to get them to church. If they can't come then the church must go to them. Sunday is not the only day to serve. These families need to be connected with someone that has compassion. Someone that will call them at least twice a week besides Sunday. Special needs families are a lot of work. They don't bring monies to the Church usually. God says that you bring them to the table and surely you will be blessed beyond measure. Is it not worth the work, the labor to have blessing beyond measure from God? If I were a Church entity I would specifically be seeking these individuals out as Luke 14 commands.
Family
Outside the immediate family the relatives can be a huge help. We have a lot going on. Extremely busy. Sometimes we are not going to call you. It is up to you not to be insulted. You have a phone too. We are just not thinking of calling you. I'm talking for other families. We will forget that Thank You note. We will not get back to you about a holiday meal until it is like the next week. Sometimes we are just not sure if we can make it happen. We might have to go to very specific places when we go somewhere. We might be a huge burden when it comes to food because most of our special needs individuals are quite picky. We might have to leave unannounced. We wouldn't feel bad about it either. It is what it is. We have had to leave so many places it isn't even funny. Places that we paid a lot for only to spend 10 minutes there. Our children might not have the nicest reaction to seeing their wonderful extended family. All of these things should be met with understanding and compassion. We want to spend time with our families but it is very difficult especially if there is travel involved.
For those who live close, have your door wide open. Make sure they know that you are available to help. They are going to need it. It takes a lot. Even if you can just give the family a 2 hour break it would mean the world to them.
Friends
Your friend that has a special needs individual in the house isn't going to call, txt or get a hold of you. That is not even on their third list. You are correct they are super busy. Waiting for them to call when they have an opportunity is a mistake. Give them a call. If you value them as a friend then get in touch with them. Otherwise they are pretty sure they don't have any. Really get to know there child or relative that has special needs. They are putting most of their time and effort in that person. It is very important to realize that what is an important person to your friend is worth your time. If you have a special needs child as well by all means they will seek your advise. However, a typical child is a whole different ball of wax. It would be like me as an Automotive technician giving jet technician some tech advise. Both are very difficult but completely different. We usually can't make it to things. We usually have therapies or meetings. We don't even know how to have a conversation with a typical parent to be honest with you. We usually have a very strict method of getting activities done for our children. Our plans go out the window and have to make up new ones before we reach the planned destination. Chaos is normal. We expect it to go wrong. These are things that might be different. We are tired. Exhausted sometimes not the best company. Be supportive in that. Call your friend up and ask them to come over when you are free. Don't ask them to schedule. Just find a free moment. They will take even a 10 minute coffee just to see someone else's face. They are going to need you. Some point they will need to you to stabilize the chaos. Be there.
Co-Workers
This might be a shock. Most people who have special needs individuals in the house view work as a break. That's right work is better than home. So when you complain how hard work is and the chaos of the day, your special needs co-worker is just smiling away. Don't be mad. It is just a different perspective on what is a bad day. What is hard to deal with. I use to go to work all the time thinking about the blissful get away I was getting. I never had nice customers. Most of the time I got yelled at by at least one person a day. But I did enjoy my job. I enjoyed working with my co-workers because they did get it. Then I didn't have time to work. That is another thing about special needs families most of them have to have one person home. It is too much otherwise.
I hope this is helpful. It is getting close to the end of Autism Awareness month. I want to do my best to help families with special needs. In order to do that I have to look at some of the problems you would run into. These are nothing more than looking at them and deciding if you want to be the best Church, Family member, Friend or Co-Worker to the family with special needs. They need all the support they can get. Sometimes it can seem like they are all alone dealing with some pretty tough issues. The question is will you be there for them?
