Dear Special Needs Parents,
You remember your childhood? All those special things that you did. Special memories that you wish your little one could experience too? When you look at your child for the first time and think back to all the things you did. You can imagine them doing those things too. That is what most parents think about. Most of us with special needs children get the diagnosis and those dreams are shattered. We know their reality is going to be different. We don't know how different but we know it won't be the same. You start to grieve for the child that could of been. Then you remember you love the child that you have so much more.
They start to grow. Every age is different with different experiences. You really start to realize what their peers are doing. What your child is not doing. You grieve a little. It is lessened but none the less it is there. Then they start to notice they aren't doing the things that their peers are doing. The peers are talking about going to one anothers' houses. They are talking about sleepovers and parties. Things that your child isn't getting invited to. This is where I am at. I find this very difficult myself. I remember at my childrens' ages I was running around with no supervision. All over town. I lived in a small town in WY. I had a friend that was two doors down that I was always out. I had another friend that was just on the corner. We were always running around together. Playing in the summer until it was dark. My children will never experience that type of social interaction. As much as we worked at it. We live in a fairly quiet neighborhood. We do try and interact with the kids but we have to be there to make sure they stay safe. We can't let them go unsupervised anywhere. At their age that shouldn't be a problem. There is a real heartache and disappointment in this. It is okay to grieve in this time. It is okay to wish they could experience close friendships that just aren't going to happen. So what do we do in this time?
Look at your child and see if a smile is on their face? Are they happy? Are they content? Mine are despite the lack of relationships in their lives. What counts is the quality of the relationships they do have. I really haven't met anybody who is happier than my oldest. She exudes joy. My youngest is sweet and endearing. Always appreciates any small token someone bestows upon her. I wouldn't change my children. I know they are who they are because of a specific purpose given to them by God. We as a society really don't fully appreciate what that means. We don't appreciate the special in special needs. We find that they are lacking instead of designed. We shun them because we don't want to see the imperfections of ourselves physically manifested in them. Christ had healed several special needs individuals during His ministry. They were designed for such a purpose. I know that the one relationship my children do have is with Christ. They will sit with Him at His table glorified just like any other. This glorious thought leaves me no more room for grieving. I hope that it can be a comfort to other parents knowing that Christ knows and seeks His special ones.
~Kandi
