Letters to special needs parents 2 (a series)

Dear Special Needs Parents,
              I’m writing to those who are married today. This is a very important subject. We know as special needs parents the high rate of divorce among our ranks. We ask ourselves how can that be? It has to be the high amount of stress. Which is true, we deal with insurmountable amount  of it.  The burden of dwelling money associated with raising special needs child perhaps? This is also true, a special needs household spends 3x what a normal household spends. However, these are not the reasons. It simply is the fact that we think our marriage can continue as it has before. It cannot and will not. Whatever conceived notion you had about your marriage prior to special needs is out the window. You realize that and you will save your marriage.
               You must resolve to make your marriage a new. Little things of miscommunication, independence from your partner on this and that, they need to be gone. You can either be the lifesaver for your partner or the anchor that drowns them. It is important because your partner is the only other person who knows EXACTLY what you are going through. You can bond with other special needs parents for sure. Make no mistake their children are different from yours. Your partner is going through EXACTLY what you are going through. That is very powerful. You and your partner are different. You will handle things differently. However, it is very crucial that you are on the same page. You have to have the same attack plan. You have to communicate honestly. You have to compromise in a way you would never have done before.  In the end you and your partner are after the same goal. You want your child to have the best chance possible, right? This must be the mindset. You may think that your partner has a suggestion that is coo-coo but try it. As long as you agree to try the other route as well. If you’ve had separate things from your spouse in the past it is time to do away with that. In fact it was time to do way with that when you got married. You are now more than ever ONE FLESH. Taking an evening out separate from your partner is fine, but equal that out. Your partner needs a break too. Sure we would all like date nights but as a parent with special needs children that can be impossible. Your partner needs you more than ever. You are needed not only by your child but your spouse.
                  In closing I add this to those who follow Christ. These things are not foreign. God created in you a help mate. Nothing should be separate in your marriage. You should both cling to Christ for all things. Including this struggle that is set before you. Let your spouse be what God created them to be and do not depart from that. With that your marriage will be healthy. Your child(ren) will be glorified in Christ through the work you put in. God be with you and your family
Blessings~Kandi