This is part 3 and (you're welcome)my final autism awareness post. I had said what shall I fear? in my last post. I also wrote "We wrap our kids in bubble wrap". I, my friends am no different. Hence, the use of the word we. I will tell you some of the things that I fear in this post.
My house is like Fort Knox. If you haven't been to my house prior it will take at least 5-10 minutes to get out unassisted. Not that I want to hold people hostage. I want to keep my kids safe. They would have no problem going outside without me. My children are 6 and 4. This would not be a big deal if not for their many challenges. One being impulse control there is next to zero for both. Sharon is better she has certain guidelines she follows because that is a script. She loves scripts. Leah on the other hand lives for now. If it is not now we don't worry about it. I live by two busy roads. They could easy go out on the road. Sharon would stop look both ways, however, not when running. When running it is a free for all. Leah is into whatever she is into if it is across the street than she will go after it. She would not pay any mind to the cars or the danger of crossing the street. She is all about obtaining desired object. Sharon and Leah have no concept of their own safety. When you have that supervision is required at all times. Also Leah thinks every single person on the planet is "her" friend. Would not have any problem taking off with any one. Luckily, Sharon likes to run from people. Communication is even worse as one is extremely distracted. They both have issues with that. Also they both love water. Would not have no problem jumping into a body of water. I fear Sharon and Leah getting out by themselves.
I do not like parking lots. I loath them. I nearly have an anxiety attack when I have to trek across one with Sharon and Leah. I had an instance where I had to go quite a ways to the car. I had things in my hands. I had a hold of both girls. We have a sticker they put there hand on until I get the door open. That day I had a problem. There was a puddle in the middle of the parking lot. Leah's hand did not stay on the sticker. She darted off to the middle of the parking lot. I had to leave Sharon whom loves water too to get Leah. Luckily Sharon stayed put. I fear parking lots.
My biggest problem with Sharon is open spaces or fields. She starts running with no regard to reality. It makes it quite difficult to enjoy going to a park. If it is near a soccer field or an open field she is off and running. I would have to chase after her. Which leaves Leah the fearless alone on the equipment. Who would have no problem jumping of the very top with her small frame. Trying to keep them both in the actual park is a challenge. I fear parks.
I get frustrated. Imagine waking up in the morning knowing that your day is not going to go right. That when you ask your child to get dressed they will shake their head at you. They run in the other direction. This mind you does not happen once a week, or every once in a while. It is everyday. You tell them to come to the table. You end up chasing someone down, again everyday. They hit you, push you, kick you and slap at you again everyday. Then it is breakfast time. The battle has just begun. I end up being very frustrated after a few hours. I don't like being frustrated like that.
Now that I told you what I fear. I will tell you what I avoid out of these things. None. I go outside with Sharon and Leah knowing that it will be difficult to handle them. I have to take them in parking lots. If I plan on going to a store or anywhere else. We still go in open fields I just plan on getting exercise. I usually tell Leah to sit. Generally, I have enough time to grab Sharon and get back to Leah. I also can't avoid getting frustrated. When somebody is constantly doing the opposite of what you wanted them to do it happens. In general I fear the death of my children. That about sums it up.
I can let my fears consume me. It can be the only thing I think about. However, I do not visit them often. It can be overwhelming thinking about every single thing. I am only using some examples to explain that yes I do have fears. I am not going to change my whole lifestyle based on the fear of death either. Quite frankly who is really in control? I have to ask that nearly everyday when my childrens' lives are in danger. Does not God have dominion of this world. Do I think anything is bigger than Him? Sometimes it is very difficult to answer no but that is the answer. Somethings are out of my control. It is time to pray. It does not do any good to constantly be upset when things that are politically not lining up. That this world is corrupt. I believe there was mention of that in a book somewhere. That is something that is always going to be there. What I can control is knowing that Christ has the final say in this world. I am going to keep my kids safe. That is what Christ would have me do. Christ would not have me obsess about that idea. I have to ask myself am I obsessing about what they are eating? Am I obsessing over a certain behavior? Am I obsessing over the fact that I was a good mother today? Most of the time we do obsess don't we. The fact remains that Christ will be there. That when it is all said and done our children are His. We care for them but they are in His hands. Let us as parents think about that when we hold them back completely based on our fears.
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