I have had a migraine for five days now. I am not very good with the patience. I don't feel good(understatement), I want things to go right. However, in my life that just doesn't happen. My kids have their own issues. Those don't necessarily take a break when I don't feel well. Things have to get done. To tell you the truth I don't have time for one of these headaches. It is one of those where it is nearly impossible to function too. It isn't the pain. I could totally handle that. Sometimes you get a migraine and it is just searing pain. I am fine with that. It is the nausea and my brain doing deep sea diving that is the problem. I can't think straight. I can't even walk very well by the end of the day.
This can be slightly irritating. All you want to do is get something done. Anything. You are unable. You still very much have the desire. The things you have to do get done, of course. Kid gets to school. The other one gets schooled. They get to their appropriate places. These things when I feel like this takes every bit of concentration I have. I'm exhausted by the end of the day. My body trying to fight the assault on it as well as me trying to go full speed. Life just doesn't stop. It doesn't say "Oh, Kandi has a migraine lets slow down". I have to be able to suck it up and keep going.
Today for instance: I wake up hopeful. Same fog in my head. Deep breathe we will get through today. Thursday is a busy day usually. I have to take Leah to school. Cram as much in the little window for Sharon before she goes to her therapy clinic. Leah is NOT a morning person. It takes at least 20 minutes dealing with bad behavior before getting stuff done. I plan for that. Sharon is better. Although sluggish gets going. I get Leah to school. I go past all the looks of "you forgot to drop your child off" as I start home with Sharon. We get home. Sharon gets very anxious to start her school. So I try and get that going as soon as possible. We usually do pretty good. She is into obsessing over snack for 2 hours. It eats a lot of time. I decided no snack today. At the end she settles down. She becomes the sweetest Sharon when she is not obsessing. We set off for the clinic. She likes the car rides. She can listen to music. Nobody is happier than Sharon listening to music. Nobody. It does me good today. Sharon gets dropped off. I have no kids. I can go home and take medicine. Although, I needed to eat. It gets far worse on an empty stomach. It feels like I have an empty stomach all day even when I am full with this headache. It really is bad when I need to eat.
I get done eating. I get yet another coffee. I ask for an extra shot of expresso in it. She said to me as a warning"It has 3 shots in it already" I know lady! I am thinking. I told her I have a headache. Off with my 4 shots of expresso. I will have a few moments of clarity driving home. I go to get my prescription. I thought that I got an email saying it was ready. It is an injectable. It is not an everyday prescription. It, was, not, there. I did not get a call saying that they didn't have it in stock or anything. This is where I'm about to lose it. They call the other Pharmacy in Madison who has it. I go outside give myself a couple of minutes to lose it. I realize I have only about 45 minutes to pick Leah up. I run to the house to take an Imitrex. On the way the Madison Pharmacy calls, the insurance doesn't cover it. I, don't, care. How much? It is $10 more. I DON'T CARE. I would pay $1000. Still cheaper than ER. I told him as much on the phone. I apologized of course. I was desperate. I took the Imitrex then off to Madison. I finally got Toradol.
I rush to go pick up Leah. She is tired. School wears her out. That works for me, We will both take a nap. I will put her down then take my medicine, hit the pillow. Of course, Leah has all types of questions about the medicine I am going to take. She is quite concerned that I would want to give myself a shot. I explained to her it was the only way to feel better. I would rather do that and feel better. I have every trick up my sleeve for migraines. Having them since 11, I know what I can do naturally, medically to help one. When one is like this you have only one choice. That is to throw the book at it. I took the Imitrex and I am going to follow it up with the Toradol. I like to call this a chaser. It is a bar term but it applies.
I was able to get Leah down. I took the Toradol. I slept a little while. On the way to get Sharon the fog started lifting from my head. I still have the pain. I am not in a fog. Praise the Lord. I wanted to explain that even though migraines are crippling, God is there. He was there on Monday when the teacher graciously helped us out. He has been there when I was driving back in forth with this headache. He was there in my husband's kindness and understanding devotion. Even though I have to go through it I'm not alone. I might feel alone, desperate. I might panic slightly. In the back of my mind is always the reminder: My Grace is sufficient.
Migraines are a loaded gun to insanity. I'm really not joking about that. When I have one I do not have very good logical sense. I'm in pain. I feel like I am drowning under water. Panic seeps in at some point. A loaded gun just sits waiting for a trigger puller. Alone I would have pulled the trigger over and over. It is Grace from God that keeps the safety on.
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