Public school was not my first choice for Leah. I home school Sharon. I wanted to do the same for Leah. However, the circumstances in the house indicated it was not going to happen. Both have issues. Sharon thrives without people distraction. Leah on the other hand, can't stay focused because of the environment. She might hear quiet noises that are a distraction. Cars going by are a distraction. I had tried to keep her focused while doing 4k with her. It took nearly 3 or 4 hours to get a sheet done. It would be fine if she was the only student to occupy my time. In the school she can work at the same pace as the rest of the students. She sees what they are doing and does it. It was one of those bittersweet ordeals. I could see her progressing in an environment I did not want her in. However, my feeling do not matter. What matters is what is best for Leah.
In entering the arena of public school it is no different then home schooling. She is still my responsibility. Her education is ultimately my responsibility. The behavior she exhibits is on me. It is not up to the teachers to be the parents. The teachers can't do their job unless I'm in excellent communication with them. Also blaming them for a bad day does not help either. I have to get to the bottom of it. I have to figure out why she had a bad day. Yes it is my responsibility to help her have a better one. I am the parent. If the situation is not working: simple fix it. I have several times we had to go back to the drawing board to help Leah in school. Each time it wasn't placing blame. That is useless. It was finding a workable solution. So far we are succeeding.
The one thing that has been a constant in my life is letting go. I have always wanted to draw a line. I want to keep my eye on Leah all the time. I want to hover over her like a cloud on a rainy day. I am sure most parents have this feeling. However, Leah is flighty, running away from me several times. I think to myself in this thought process, am I trusting in Christ. Am I fully secure in His sovereign Grace? The answer of course is No. I can't say I trust in Christ, then turn around using a statement starting with...I don't trust. What I'm actually not trusting in? Christ. I use this statement a lot. About a number of things. I have to step back and think how dangerous that statement actually is: I don't trust.
I know that trust issues when it comes to our children. The first thing we should fear is not a public school. It is that heart of theirs. That is the biggest danger. Like anything else we have to equip our children. We can't expect somebody other than ourselves to drive home certain things. Education that is being done in a school is a partnership. The parenting is on the parent. It is not a partnership. These two often get mixed up by both school and parent. That is where failure comes: simple fix it. It starts with parents.
It also starts with me to let go of my ideas for her. It is up to me to look at what is helping her. If my special needs child is not progressing it needs to be fixed. It needs to be fixed now. If that means doing exactly what I don't want to, so be it. Sometimes that means(this is going to be a shocker) trusting the Lord to provide the help needed.
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