The color drains slowly from the world. She isn't speaking. She isn't eating. The most important thing she isn't smiling. Sharon is sick. The world becomes black and white. That's how much color she injected into it for me.
I realize this while I worry over my precious giant. My mood is dark. The usual chatter Sharon usually utters is gone. It's too quiet. There is no laughter at some random thing passing on the TV. Usually when she glances at me I get a bright smile. She has no energy. She gets like this when ever she is sick. However, it even after 15 years still a shock to the system. When she is down, she is completely down. Sensory overload to the point of shutdown.
Just when I am at a moment of pure panic she is better. It happens like a light switch. She is up. Smiling, chattering and dancing at her show. The color returns to my world in technicolor. I am reminded of stepping into Oz. I realize I need it. Mostly I need Sharon to be fine. Sharon to be healthy. I realized that Sharon very much affects me. She is my E.T. to Elliot.
This might seem strange thing for a mother. I am not just her mother. I'm her caregiver. I make sure that all her needs are met. When I meet her needs as a caregiver it is difficult. As a mother I worry about the health. I am two people in one.
Although I am a caregiver to both my girls. Leah needs me in a different way. My even emotions help her stabilize hers. Both girls need me to help guide them in this world. Sharon and I intertwined in our daily routine. When something happens to Sharon, it surely happens to me.
How surprising I found it when she felt better, I immediately did too. She gave me her first bright smile I've seen a millions times. Yet, it was like the first time. What a blessing to feel a smile like a warm fire on a cold day. My Sharon colors my world. I wouldn't change that for anything. Praise be to God.
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