Joy

 One of our Bible study themes coming up is Joy. I haven't delved into from the perspective in a spiritual sense. The word grasped me. As I see a number of people getting ready for a new school year. We are as well. Sharon is starting her Freshman year. Time seems to march on. 

   I am happy for those who's children are getting ready for their next stage in life. Although, it is tough sometimes to show my happiness. Which might be miscommunicated. It's mixed emotions that special needs parents have. We are thrilled for other parents. While it sets us firmly back into a grieving process we don't like going into. I grieve for the things that Sharon will not accomplish. The things that I found joy in at her age. I have often dipped in this sadness. Sharon is not me. Sharon is meant for a different path. I pondered her in my sadness. I began to get jealous of her. As much as I in my normalcy, accomplished goals. I found great satisfaction in these things. I will never find the joy that Sharon does in a single note of music. 

   I will never stop in the middle of whatever I'm doing to dance in joy. Sharon finds it in everything. She was eating black beans and clapping happily. You can't help but be pulled in by it. Whatever state that you held, she will find your joy. 

  I am blessed in this to be certain. She chose me to be her person. Her rock in this world that is so confusing to her. I get all of her when she holds back from others. 

  This lead me to think about really what I have to grieve about. She will not be doing things that others will do. I think back to times when she struggled with simple tasks. Even in those times she worked hard to learn to do them. The joy that we shared when she accomplished that. It is not meant for her to live a life much like others. She is here to show me and I hope others how absolutely joyful life is. She wakes up everyday and rejoices in it. Truly rejoices and is glad. In this I have lost my sorrow and rejoice in the Grace of God.