Letters to special needs parents 7 (a series)

Dear Special Needs Parents,
 
       Remember that day that your child was first diagnosed? Has anyone ever asked you that question and you immediately give them a date? I do. I say 12/20/2010. Like a birth date, anniversary or death. It was day that marked a change in our family. You have these expectations for your children. You dream of what they could be. You think about all the events that they will go through. The memories of your life intertwined; a more perfected reality for your child. In one crashing blow that dream shatters like a mirror. You are faced with a new one. This new reality is a challenge beyond what you thought possible. However, looking back it made me who I am now. I don't remember that me. The one before Autism. The one who had those expectations that were mine, not hers anyway. They certainly were not God's plan for her. We as special needs parents very early in our child's life is that there is no set plan. There is no expectation placed so heavily on our children. We want progress. We want them to excel. However, it is a very different sort of reality. We get to be proud of them for the very little things. We get to celebrate all the little things that are just expected. We get to have joy for them showing affection. We get to dance with them in their over abounding zest for life.
    It was 8 years ago that we were introduced to Autism. I knew what it was. In the same sense I didn't have a clue. I had been living with it for 3 years and was oblivious to it. What I know now I could of said my daughter was autistic very early. She was my first born. I just thought this was how it was. I was not good enough for her maybe? Sometimes that little nagging fear creeps up. Sharon has always dealt with a severe lack of communication. It is very difficult to figure out what is going on sometimes. When she was diagnosed with Autism it was mixture of feelings. It wasn't all bad. It was relief, grief, lots of worry and determination. I know that I'm not the only one who deals with emotional roller coaster. Especially on those bad days. On days like this when you are reminded of the journey from there to here.
    We have been through a lot in 8 years. We have met some amazing people. People who work hard to make people's lives better. We have learned more in these 8 years than in our previous 20+. It isn't that it takes a special person to raise a special needs child. It is the child that inspires those around them to be better to be special too. We think of people who are not neurotypical as having something missing. However, it is just that they have something else to offer. I never knew 8 years ago that I needed to learn that something else. Today I would tell you without a doubt that it is needed. I need Sharon's absolute joy. I need her singing and her dancing. I need her to be just the way she is.
Blessings,
Kandi