Dear Special Needs Parents,
I took a minute. I was going over the girls’ situation for the millionth time. I know this might sound selfish. I actually thought about myself. I haven’t really done that for a while. Have you? Have you sat down sat down and checked in on you? I realized in that minute, I’m nowhere in my brain. I couldn’t find me. I am scrabbled. I couldn’t focus. I went back to thinking about all the things that need to be done. I thought about my husband and my children. I can’t dwell on me. Why does someone have to bring me up? I don’t have time for that!
I use to go out with friends, just for me. I don’t have time. I use to watch quite a bit of football. I don’t have time. I use to go to the gym. I don’t have time. Where did I go? All the these things I did for myself, became “unnecessary”. I needed to do this and that for Sharon and Leah. I needed to be there for my husband. However, if I’m not me, who do they have? They have a impersonal task manager. Someone who gets things done but would really like to clock out. What would I do when I clock out? I read to escape the ridiculously stressful situations I find myself in on a daily basis. I pray for other people. Rarely do I pray for myself, only in severe amount of pain. If I’m this scrabbled in my own life, I can imagine that my fellow special needs parents are too.
As I write this my new goal is finding me. I’m going to take time to doing things just for me. My family all of me, not just a scrabbled shell. I hope in writing this I can inspire another main caretaker to do the same. Even if it is 10 minutes a day. Take time for just you. Something you enjoy. Don’t think about anyone. Think about you in the present. Then we can give the ones that need us the most our all.
Blessings,
Kandi
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