Exhaustion: Dealing with Mental Illness

      When people talk about mental illness it is alway in terms of ‘depression’ or ‘anxiety’. As if these are the only aspects of it. They debilitating don’t get me wrong. They interfer with ones life. We never talk about the more pronounced side of it. Bipolar certainly is getting more popular to talk about. We can thank a number of celebrities and people in the public eye for that. As humans we really haven’t scratched the surface of our brains. It is a wondrous thing. It is so very complicated. People with mental illness have a different brain. It operates differently. We haven’t figured out how a normal brain operates. How are we supposed to firgure out one that has a different design? Once more we are not even talking about it. We view it very much as something that someone just needs to get over themselves. It is very hard when you see someone clearly born with differences. You have experiences with them but they don’t see them the same way. You expect them to react in a certain way. They are always surprising you in responses to situations. Most people see mental illness as an adult issue. It’s not. Children deal with it and grow up to be adults with mental illness. Sometimes the parents see it. Sometimes it isn’t diagnosed until later. In our case you can’t help but see it. It effects everyday life. I am exhausted. I’m a mother who isn’t sure how to help some days.
      I have two children. My children both have special needs. We have been slowly trying to figure out what is best. We have therapy that is what we do. Six different therapies 3 for each child. We ask ourselves is it enough?We see our child struggle everyday. Just getting through normal day to day activities. What is missing.? What can’t we see? We get testing done. New things come into play. Still we are dealing with a child lost. Drowning in her own emotions. Of course we have no life preserver. We have to dive in in after her her. We are sucked down in the water. The tide is different every time. Never the same. The pattern doesn’t repeat so it is very hard to figure out. She could be fine with a situation today and the same thing happens tomorrow we are in troubled waters. Her emotions change like a flickering light. She can go from happy to Hulk In a matter of seconds. This is very difficult in the car. We are always driving to some therapy. Having Hulk appear or even the thought of having it appear is beyond distracting.
        I want to make this point clear. My child isn’t just dealing with some anger issues. She has many issues. She not only can’t control any of her emotions whether it be sadness, happiness anger or excitement, jealousy ext. She has processing issues via her Autism and impulsiveness of ADHD. I have one complicated kiddo. She is very unique. She can charm anyone. I mean anyone. She can make anything look beautiful. She is the only one that I know that shows loves in the exact form it was intended. She doesn’t want to lose control but she can’t help it. Even at 9 she knows it. She feels the weight of guilt. This is something we all have to deal with. Mental illness is exhausting. I have been kicked, punched and verbally bashed. It doesn’t really mean anything to me. Watching my daughter shatter that is something that I have a hard time dealing with. I pray everyday for a better tomorrow. As someone dealing with these situations I recommend one day at a time. Tomorrow will be better.