The emotional roller coaster that we were all on was difficult. I spent a lot of time praying. Asking for direction where to go. As a mother, a human I certainly had fear. However, it was kept at bay. I know as a child of God that He has a plan and a purpose. His purpose for Leah is slowly coming together.
I kept thinking about footprints in the sand. A lot of the times I know that He was carrying us though this. I had to be strong for Leah. I am smart enough to realize it was bigger than I could handle. I would spent time by myself silently listening. Waiting for answers to pop into my head.
Often late at night this was the case. I had trouble sleeping. I would be up until early in the morning. This was mostly to not leave Leah too long alone. I would often take a short nap when Greg got home.
My mind was in chaos as well. It was scrambled. I was in survival mode. We had so many therapies we were doing. I was taking the girls here and there. One of the best things I did was just shut everything off.
I am a person who above all, leaves it in His hands. I can't control outside influences. Covid isn't in my control. Mental illness certainly isn't in my control. What I can control is my fear of it. I can let it eat my entire soul away. I can let it take my journey away. However, God knows our beginning. God knows our end. He controls that. That is an absolute. I have a short time here. What can I do with it? I am going to be better at living. My Leah is a wonder. A complex beautiful creation that has been placed in my care. God had a plan in that. He had a plan in this valley we were in.
The last stop is Lessons Learned.
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