Project 2019

   I try to be as positive as I can. I truly do. I believe I am blessed. Even in the struggles that I have been given those are blessings. The children I have been given have been the greatest of all gifts. If I have been given neurotypical children I wouldn't be the person I am. I wouldn't be half as determined. I wouldn't know the things I know. I thank the Lord everyday for that. If I hadn't of had the knee surgeries and the grueling recovery I wouldn't have the amount of patience that I do now.  The migraines have given me a since of resolve. To be able to take the toughest situation and get through it. This has all prepared me. He trained me. He gave me these things. When you run a marathon you don't just go to the starting line. You prepare. Even with the people placed in my life. I think back on it. All were placed specifically to help. It is amazing to me. All that has been done to guide me. I wasn't there on my own. I always had that "personal trainer" that everything to push me. The things I struggle with is when I ignore the instruction. This year has been a rough year. I had a lot of years where I have struggled with my physical issues. They were there of course. This year I struggled to mentally survive. I was exhausted. I was just going through the motions. I lost interest in so many things. I suppose in a way went into a depression.
     One would of suggested to talk to someone. That would have been ideal. The problem in the state I was in contacting someone was nearly impossible. It is such now. I get stuck. I also feel like I have no time at all. Which technically is true. I have 7 therapies going on with consults, 2 social workers, and SSI. I know that is the girls. I have an a massive amount of help concerning them. All of which has to be managed. I didn't have anyone to talk to. I didn't want another appointment. I didn't want to deal with another doctor really. I also have a real issue with not wanting to bother people. I don't really like to delve so much into how I feel. Ironic I'm doing it now. I feel it is important to give my girls a voice. I feel like it is important to talk about the things that would effect them. It was a tidal wave of the things we were dealing with. I didn't even realize that I got sucked down in. Then found myself at the bottom drowning there. I thought hmmm this is no good. Here is the thing everyday is new. God raises the sun each day. We get the chance to start fresh. We get the chance to let Him raise it and not ourselves. We get the chance to let it go. I will do that starting tomorrow.
     What does that mean exactly? I had a goal I set aside. A project. I will start that project back up tomorrow. In doing so I will be doing no social media for at least 3 months. I will be using my free time to getting the first 3 phases of 5 done on my project. I will be coming back when that is complete. As I said that should be in 3 months to my best estimation. This to me is not a resolution. It is a goal that will be completed. I make goals and complete them. I will be available through DM. Always willing to help. I am not going to be social(not that I have been). I will reply to messages. I will not be reaching out to anyone at this time that I otherwise have a set obligation. I want to give this as explanation. I will not be giving any details about the project at this time. When I come back I will go through progression of it.
     This is very important to me. I hope that you understand this time that I need to get myself together. I hope you understand that I care for each and every person in my life. I feel that I'm not a very good friend right now. I would rather know that I can fully be available. I hate to say I can be there when really I'm not capable right now. I hope that beginning of the New Year for you is fruitful. I am thinking about you. Again I am here if anyone would want to say "Hi" just message me.
Thanks,
Kandi